JustHitched Roundup: I lost it!

Growing up Jordan

"Spare the Rod and spoil the child…"

No matter how well I think I know my husband, we are bound to knock heads over some aspect of parenting.  Let me warn all first-time parents: you are going to be surprised how some of the things you think are trivial are a big deal to your spouse. Take us for example, we almost ruined our vacation plans this year because of a disagreement Garfield and I had about attending a school event. And even today, for the life of me, I still don’t get why he thinks it was so important to attend a Mommy and Me Tea Party. 

For all the things we disagree on, we are on the same page when it comes to one thing: spanking. Our rule is simple: absolutely no beating, spanking, hitting, whatever you call it.

This rule has been clearly communicated to anyone who interacts with Jordan.  Of course, this has been received with mixed reactions. My mom who is a no-nonsense disciplinarian was one of the first to utter, "Spare the rod and spoil the child."  We've come to learn that is popular sentiment especially among folks from the old school.

We also had a nanny who tried to explain that it depended on how you "beat" the child. My husband reiterated, “Absolutely no beating under any circumstance.”

“But it depends on how you beat the child, Sir.”

"No. Do not hit her no matter what."

And after trying to defend her position, she too went on to utter the popular, “Spare the rod...”

Of course, her stint with us was short-lived.

I realize though that most folks seem to think that not hitting equates to not disciplining. I keep having to explain that not “beating” doesn’t mean that Jordan will "get away" with everything. It just means hitting isn't one of the tools we'll use to discipline.

Look, I'll be the first to admit that at this toddler stage, life can get very frustrating. Dealing with a toddler is no walk in the park.  Slapping your toddler may seem like the easiest way to settle them down. Lord knows, I’ve threatened and have even been tempted to snap when Jordan launches into one of her random temper tantrums. Like right now, as I type, she is throwing a fit because she wants to "lotion" my legs with saliva.

Last Saturday, she spent the day on what can only be described as a hunger strike since she refused every item of food I offered. To my relief, much later in the day, she finally requested eggs which I eagerly scrambled and shared on her plate. This little big woman looked me square in the eye and flipped the plate, spilling the scrambled eggs all over the floor, while screaming, “I don’t want it!”

Jesus saviour pilot me!

No lie, I had to fight the urge to go ballistic. I could literally hear the small voice in my head urging me to, Calm down, Lecia. She is only two. She is not being malicious. She is not the spawn of the devil. This is a part of the process. Little Miss is just trying to assert her independence. Breathe mama breathe.

“I don't want it!!!”

Dear God, when did I give birth to Rosemary's Baby?

I took her out of the chair, brought her upstairs and handed her to her dad. I didn't even explain what happened. All I could muster is, "Take her, please" and I left the room. I sat in the couch for a good half hour before I finally got up and cleaned the floor.

Toddlers are possessed! They are little monsters who were sent to earth to drive their parents, especially their mothers, bat-shit crazy. Everyone talks about newborns, but no one prepares you for this stage of parenting. By the time you get here, everyone assumes you have gotten the hang of it, so they have long stopped checking in. Raising a toddler is a test of patience, tolerance and will power. It will be a test for me to stick to our rule, but I thank God every day I have someone to share the burden with.

I know, it's shameful to admit that your own child can sometimes feel like a burden. But it's TRUE. I've learnt that you can love your child from the depths of your soul and still have moments where they frustrate the hell out of you. 

 This experience of motherhood, (parenting, really) is not one dimensional. It's not all good. It's both good and bad. As a mom, you will have to get comfortable with admitting that sometimes your little angel can be a little asshole... but we still love them beyond comprehension.

 I ask you all to pray for us (but especially me) on this parenting journey.

Conversation Starters

“Weh yah shout after mi fah? Mi look like you mumma?”

What to say when someone raises their voice at you.

Just ask Marsha Lee Crawford, the teacher at Pembroke Hall High School who is now in hot water for going ballistic on a student in her class.

Say what?

Yes, chile! Ms Crawford went off on a student who was riding her last nerve and some smarty pants recorded the whole thing. The reactions have been mixed and to be entirely honest, the former teacher in me is partly sympathetic, but the mother in me is outraged.

My very first job, way before law school, was a teacher. At the end of my first year, I resigned. I remember mommy (who is now a retired teacher having taught for over 35 years) saying to me, "But Lecia, you can’t resign without another job." My response? "Mommy, if I don’t leave this wuk, mi a go kill smaddy or smaddy a go kill me. Mi cyan manage!" 

At the end of the year, I had parted one too many fights,  broken up lord knows how many arguments, learnt of the exploits of too many sexually active teenagers, all while trying to teach English Literature to a class of about 35 students when not even 5 students had the text. I was exhausted.

I share this to say that teaching is not for the faint of heart. These kids will test you. I am from a family of teachers: my mother, my father, and two of my aunts who have collectively spent over 100 years in the classroom, so I am naturally sympathetic to teachers.

That said, I can't excuse Ms Crawford's behaviour. As a mother, I was horrified to hear her threaten, no, promise, “Mi wi kill yu!” It's unacceptable.

Ms Crawford has since admitted, "I lost it." I completely feel her pain. It's time for Ms Crawford to, like me, realize that teaching may not be her thing. She either needs a long, long, long break or to call it quits.

YouTube Picks

For my rachet lovers, Spice is back with another week of juicy conversations. This time she is touching on the subject of in-laws.  Seems everyone on her panel has had bad experiences with their in-laws. Are your in-laws a thorn in your side? Drop your comments here.

Sorry, I can’t relate. I love my in-laws, especially my mother-in-love to no end!

For a more emotional post, check out this moving piece, Forgiving my Mother, from RushCAM. If you are a mother, a parent really, then this is a must-watch. Our actions can truly impact our children in so many different ways. The take away for me is to love and accept my child, no matter what direction she takes in life, and especially when she swerves from the goals or ideals I may consciously or subconsciously try to impose upon her.

Sigh. Parenting is hard work.

Have a great week my loves!