You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

A few weeks ago I was playing therapist (well, mostly, I was listening) to my girlfriend who was griping about her man when she had an epiphany: “You know is what though? I didn't stand for anything from the start of our relationship, and now it has come back to bite me."

I had to agree. She has given new meaning to Jesus’ command to forgive seventy times seven. As she continued her self-diagnosis, I wondered, how many of us have found ourselves in a similar predicament. In a bid to get and keep a man, have we put up, forgive, and excuse so much bull that we can't help but ask, was it worth it?

Like Tanya Stephens’ "Tek him back", would you gladly give back the spoils of your conquest?

There was much truth to my girlfriend’s proclamation. Many of us women are afraid of establishing boundaries from the very start of our relationships. Men, like little children, are only too happy to test the waters to see how much they can get away with.

Now, I'm not saying you should drive the poor fellow away with unrealistic standards and expectations. Demanding that he opens and closes every door that you approach might be a bit much (though you may not want to be Steve Harvey’s chirp, chirp girl), but he must know in no uncertain terms that if he crosses your clearly defined boundaries, it’s over. Kapeesh!

Easier said than done, right? After all, we are talking about love and emotions, not logic. But pause for a second--have you noticed that no matter how much they profess to love us, men are not very forgiving? Think of a long marriage – 10, 20, maybe even 30 years and counting. Sit and talk with the wife, and if she is forthcoming, I bet she has been the one to do most of the forgiving. At some point, she may have forgiven her spouse for cheating, being an alcoholic, gambling away their life savings, siring children outside the marriage, or perhaps even for hitting her.

Men – well, they are not so forgiving. I know very few fellows who have forgiven a cheating wife, and I am yet to meet a man who stuck around after discovering that 'Joe' was responsible for his wife’s growing pumpkin.

We don’t have to look very far. Just recently, local entertainer, Mr Vegas – who fathered several children during the course of his relationship – somehow felt that he had the right to publicly expose and condemn his girlfriend for “cheating”. Never mind that he was simply receiving a dose of his own medicine.

But what gives men like Mr Vegas the right to think that they are not accountable for their actions?

The short answer is women. Too often I hear women vilify and hurl insults at their “maties”, while excusing, even justifying the actions of their men. A few months ago, I stood listening to a woman as she described her blood sister as a “slut” who she would never speak to for the rest of her life. It turned out that she had recently discovered that her sister was sleeping with her husband.  I agree, her anger might have been justified.  But I was curious, eager to learn of the husband’s fate. I mean, if she was going to condemn her sister to a lifetime of "malice", then what of the husband? Alas, they were still "happily" married.

I was bewildered. Her sister might have in fact been “Delilah”, but surely it takes two to tango. Shouldn’t he at least shoulder some of the blame? Alas, it was all her sister’s fault for trying too hard to “look like her”,  and for “forcing herself” on the poor, unsuspecting (insert sarcasm) husband.

You see, men just don’t do that sh!t. Reverse the situation and I bet he would have put her ass out the door faster that you can say ho—

The reality is that men are far less willing to compromise. They are not afraid to call it quits if we cross their lines – real or imagined. Why shouldn't we do the same?

Now, mark you, I'm not knocking a woman who opts to work on her relationship with a man who has messed up, but it cannot be that he has come to expect forgiveness as a matter of course.

And what of those of us who only try to put our foot down after the wedding? Worst. Mistake. The ring goes on, and you suddenly find the voice to dictate the long list of rules by which he must abide. Remember the all night partying you used to enjoy with your boys? Forget it!

Life as you know it is over!

The unsuspecting husband is taken aback by the sudden transformation from happy-go-lucky girlfriend to Hitler wife. Little does he know that it’s not that you have changed, but the new-found 'authority' was derived the day he put a ring on it. It is only after the wedding that some of us feel empowered to set our standards. And the man feels duped.

The problem as I see it is this: you had no boundaries to begin with; you can’t expect to establish them now! In the words of Steve Harvey, “Lay out your requirements, and he will decide if he is up for the challenge.”

After all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks!