To strip or not to strip? (the bachelor/bachelorette party)

Now, I personally don’t care if my husband’s last act as a single man involves strippers before being tied to my bedpost forever (evil laugh).  That’s just me, but you may not think this is such a good idea. Your fears may even heighten if your groom-to-be is known to indulge in such hedonistic pleasures.

Let’s think about it -- what’s the worst that could happen?  It’s highly unlikely that he will sow his oats with a stripper. Certainly less likely that he will end up crooning “I’m in love with a stripper” (T-Pain’s voice), and elope with his sultry mistress. So relax, let him go have his fun. Heck, why not plan an equally fun night with the girls?

But, what do you do when your man thinks that what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander? In other words, while he may be allowed to indulge (clubbing, strippers), you shouldn’t dare enjoy such entertainment. Then, my friend, you have a problem. Ask yourself these questions: why does he have a problem with me having a stripper or two? Does he have unresolved trust and commitment issues? Could those issues be the real reasons for his objection to you partying with strippers?

If you are both genuinely uncomfortable with strippers, then maybe it's a good idea to scrap the thought, and plan events that will set your minds at ease. If you can’t come to a consensus, take my advice: scrap the wedding! (Clearly, you still have major trust issues.)

What we did!

In our case, my husband went to Los Angeles, and boy, did he have a grand time! Rumour has it that he was so blown away (no pun intended, I swear) by the sheer beauty of the dancers that he parted with a small fortune.

I would perhaps part with my money too!

He also had a running bet with our friends: if he could lose 40 pounds in time for the wedding, then he would have Hedonism Resort II all to himself. Of course, he had many persons (mostly men) cheering him on. I was just happy he was losing the weight! Believe me, I tried many bribes before, but this one spearheaded by the shrewd Muna Issa was the winning ticket (I’m still thanking her today).

Turns out, he never ended up having his second bachelor party at Hedonism II as eagerly anticipated. He did lose the weight all 32 pounds of it! (Yippee)  But, he was too tired and way too stressed - read about fight number one - to even begin to enjoy a bachelor party.

The same was true for me, and so sadly, I never had one either! What we did have, was a steamy makeup session the night before our wedding (Oh shut up, as if you really believe that crap that the groom shouldn’t see his bride the night before the wedding!) So no, I did not have strippers, well not the strippers I had in mind, but I did have my very own show (wink).

My advice: in hindsight, it is best to have the bachelor/bachelorette party weeks before the wedding. It is less stressful, and you may both be more open to the idea of each person doing whatever he pleases.  I really wanted my mom and friends who were coming from abroad including members of my bridal party to be a part of my bridal shower. This didn’t work out because everyone got to the rehearsals late. After five hours of driving from Kingston to Negril, most persons were deadbeat. Plus, I was not in the best of moods (again I refer to you fight number one).

Note to females: forget this mess about a “surprise” bachelorette party (you are getting married, there has to be a party, so where is the surprise?) Instead, I recommend that you coordinate with your maid-of-honour to ensure that only the persons you want present are invited -- especially if you are having strippers. Not everyone is there to celebrate with you and have a good time. Some women are simply witches, whose sole aim in life is to mess with your happiness. I know of situations where innocent brides-to-be, while enjoying the racy entertainment of the sexy specimen before them, have been photographed, and the photos maliciously sent to their grooms-to-be.

Needless to say, in this technology age of smartphones, tablets and other instant messaging tools, be very careful who you have around, especially if you do plan to get naughty.

Even more important: a bachelorette party and a bridal shower should be planned as two separate events. This is the mistake I made. I really should have had a girl’s night out a few weeks before the wedding, and reserve the shower for a date closer to the wedding. The bachelorette party or outing should be for trusted friends. Think of it as a movie that is rated R or M for mature audiences. It doesn’t matter if it involves strippers, a night out on the town, or a slumber party where you all binge on food and reminisce on the past. Just remember, it’s the night where you may be a little naughty, and recall things from the past that should only be kept between you and your inner circle of trusted friends.

On the other hand, your shower is rated PG 13 or G for general audience.  Feel free to invite your mom, aunts, the groom’s mom and even your grandma to this event. It’s the sharing of gifts from all your family and friends,, and yes, it's the place to invite that jealous witch who is just waiting for the opportunity to instant message the naughty photo that she’ll never have.

My yummy hubby is my very own stripper 🙂