The Help

For the last few weeks we have been unable to find our helper. We have been calling her phone but to no avail. It doesn’t even go to voicemail anymore. Since I’m on a break, and I have nothing productive to do (except writing these blogs) I decided to take on the chores.

This morning as I open the grille to hang out clothes -- that I had to prematurely take off the line because of yesterday’s thunder storm -- one of the many helpers on our apartment complex greeted me.

“Congratulations Mrs Taylor! I saw you in the papers, you deserve it!”

“Thank you,” I replied. She continued, “Yeah man, you really deserve it! I see you often in the laundry room. Not many girlfriends know how to wash and take care of dem man.”

Not entirely sure of the appropriate response, I smiled and politely nodded in agreement.

Undaunted she continued, “Because you know that it’s good that you can do these things to enuh, nuff a dem helper here love to boast that if it wasn’t for them the house would a mash-up. Is a good thing you know how to take care of your man, none a dem cyan chat behind you back.”

I laughed and assured her that I was very much capable of holding my own.

In that instant my mind flashed back to a scene in the movie, The Help, where all the helpers gathered to tell tales of the incompetent wives who could not survive without them. I shuddered at the memory of the badly treated helper who took her revenge by putting faeces in a pie she made for one of the housewives (admittedly, it was well deserved).

And then it fleetingly crossed my mind, was I rewarded with ring because of my domestic prowess?

There is no doubt that whether we like it or not, our society stills places great emphasis on a woman’s domestic abilities. How many times do we hear the exclamation, “She can’t even boil water!” Do you recall Beenie Man being enamoured by Angel because of her ability to cook curry goat and ox tail? And certainly most of us remember Lexxus’ famous song “Gyal you betta can cook”. Forget that you have just completed two degrees, a master's and a PhD, if you can’t even boil egg, to society you are not quite “wife material”.

As much as I’d like to think that I am a modern-day woman, a quick conversation with my mom is enough to bring me back to sobriety. “So what you cooking for Garfield’s dinner today?” This question is bound to come up in every conversation that I have with my mother -- every day. On those (rare) days when I am able to delight her with a menu or announce that I have already cooked, I can practically see her beaming, like a proud mother, through the phone. I can also feel her grave disappointment on those (frequent) days when my answers interchange between, “Nothing we're going to buy some KFC” or “Don’t know, he is going to bring something off the road.”

Despite the fact that many of us have helpers, it’s not uncommon for a woman to brag that she is able to do it all. In other words, "no helper cyan take mi fi fool." Whether traditional or modern, most of us pride ourselves on being able to take care of a home.

But just how much value do we modern-day women place on domestic skills? Would you say that your domestic skills played a role in snagging your hubby?

It is no secret that the generation of yesterday placed great value on domestic skills, especially that of cooking. Just think of the popular saying, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, or the more wary warning often told to men to refrain from eating stew peas from cunning women who may try to tie them? (An attempt to catch and keep the man forever.)

From a biblical perspective, the book of Proverbs outlines the characteristics of a good wife. Not least among them are our domestic skills. It lavishes praise on the wife who gets up at an ungodly hour in the morning to ensure that she properly prepares and cares for the members of her household. While I have no issues with this, I'll sing even more praise for the husband who is up with his wife so that the chores can be done together.

In reality, not much has changed since the biblical days. Just ask any man to describe the perfect “wife material”.  Even the most evolved among them will list attributes such as a woman who can cook, clean and take care of her household.

I suppose our nurturing instincts are inevitably intertwined with our role as helpers.

P.S. As I type this I am guzzling KFC for dinner. On a Sunday. I won’t tell my mom if you won’t *Wink*