The good, the bad and the ugly! One year and counting…

They say the first three years of marriage is the hardest. Well, after only 402 days of marriage, we've had some pretty heated moments, and we have contemplated divorce... even murder! But we both agree that we'd be pretty darn miserable without each other (and we really hate prison). So, here are the discoveries or the reminders of why marriage is every bit the rollercoaster ride they say it is!

6. Account for your time, well most of the times. Remember the days when you could just jump in your ride and go for a drive?  You do? (Evil laugh) In the words of hubby, “Hanging out isn’t just hanging out anymore. Now, I need to have a legitimate male friend [preferably one who is married] and a legitimate reason to leave home. It doesn’t feel right to just up and leave anymore.”

Of course, he is exaggerating! Everyone knows I’m the coolest wife on earth! (Red Stripe, anyone?) But seriously, you do need to account for your time, at least 90 per cent of the time, anyway. I mean, even the most liberal among us would get suspicious if all your outings are secret missions. And you do expect me to tell you where I am going, right?

5. Temper your expectations. We all have our ideas of how we think things should be done. Maybe you expect him to ask about your day, or he’s expecting a back rub and dinner after a rough day at work. I’d love to say that I’m a mind reader, but I’m not. I’m a little ashamed to say, but I am the one who almost always drops the ball. Hubby always meets and exceeds expectations. I’m like a deer caught in the headlights: clueless! You have to spell it out.  What. Do. You. Want?

4. Have a backbone but make it bendy. It’s not easy being married to the man who thinks he has all the answers the in world, especially when the woman he marries (me) is rarely ever wrong. I’m sure you can see how that combination could lead to some tension. So, our house is perhaps the only place where simple conversations like: “How can you not remember we got married on a Saturday?” (BTW, that’s me forgetting) will be followed by “Oh, please! People get married during the week all the time.” This discourse will then be followed by my lame attempt at justifying why forgetting the day on which I got married is a perfectly natural thing to do (because people get married everyday), much to the ire of my husband.

OK fine, I’ll admit that’s a really bad example. But you get the point, right? We argue over EVERYTHING.

3. Shopping with your spouse (me) can be embarrassing. I know you all think that I’m a spendthrift, but I’m totally a miser.The look of horror, loud gasps and exclamations whenever we get to a cash register is always met by an exasperating “Lecia, don’t embarrass me!” But seriously, how can food for two people cost over 30 grand?! It’s not even shoes!

2. Be prepared to be completely grossed out and annoyed.  Belching, farting, pooping, picking your nose, no matter how cleverly done can never be sexy! But the sad truth is that you’ll have to live with them. Yes, even the Queen of England has to poop. The sooner you accept that, the better.

Leaving stuff everywhere -- I don’t know, do you think your clothes just pick themselves up? Of course, he is equally grossed out by my stuffed toys, “Really now Lecia, those teddy bears would make a lot of children very happy!” Touch them and you are dead!

And finally, the one that really irks me, NEVER EVER replacing the toilet paper roll. How do you take out a new roll, yet just place it on the counter instead of in the holder? It’s right there! Seriously, WHY??!!

1. The frequency of sex is just in your mind. So, apparently hubby thought we’d be going at it like bunny rabbits. Like seriously? No, not happening! All I’ll say is go read number five!