It is 3 a.m. in the morning and my hubby is decked out in operational gears. I have no idea where he is going (of course in this field one cannot divulge much to his wife) but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that whatever he is about to embark on is potentially dangerous. I am consumed by fear not unlike May 2010 when Dudus' 'soldiers' had the misguided idea of launching an attack on the state.
I want to cry but I'm acutely aware that if begin crying it will only affect his state of mind so I keep quiet.
“Lecia, you all right?”
“Yes...”
“How you so quiet?”
Silence
I'm only silent because if I start speaking I may break down in tears. He kisses me at the door and I stand watching at the window as he drives off.
The tears start to flow (as you may have deduced by now, I'm the biggest cry baby and a coward). I collapse on the floor and start to sob uncontrollable. Please God don't let anything happen to him. Then the selfish me creeps in: what would I do if anything should happen to him? I'm pretty sure my entire world would crumble.
The phone rings and my hubby tells me to open the door. He walks in and hugs me tightly, kisses my tears and assures me (as if he has any control over this) that he will be fine.
This man knows me too well! I put on my bravest smile. This time he leaves for good. I crawl back into bed as I make futile attempts to fall asleep.
I wonder about other women; women who are married to policemen, soldiers and even security guards. Are they as stressed as I am? Is there a point when you get used to infinite possibilities of things that could go awry?
Stormy Day
Hurricane Sandy on the coast of Jamaica
It's October 22nd the day before tropical storm Sandy, turned category one hurricane. As everyone hustles home to be with their families, my hubby is busy at work. Alone, I stroll along the supermarket aisle looking for things to buy in preparation for the storm. I watch as husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends shop together and I feel a twinge of jealousy.
My phone rings. Did I tell you this man was physic?
We run through the check list of what I should buy together. He gives me an update of how things are progressing at work. I feel some measure of comfort knowing that I have a man who is acutely aware of how I'm always feeling. But I still miss not having him by my side.
It's 4:30 a.m. on the 23rd of October, the morning of the day that hurricane Sandy should make landfall in Jamaica. While other husbands and wives huddle closer together, mine is getting ready to go on duty for as long as the storm persists. It is no secret that there are those miscreants among us who see any natural disaster especially a hurricane as the perfect opportunity to loot and wreak havoc (as if the storm isn't enough).
This time I am not as teary-eyed but I am worried.
“Please be careful,” I pleaded
“Yeah man! Give me a kiss.”
I open the door to let hubby out and as is customary I stand at the window to watch him leave. He toots and drives away.
As the storm makes it way to land, I receive frequent updates: "Everything is alright. You good? Some of the roads are flooded, I'm soaking wet but we O.K. Going back on the road now.”
One of my girlfriends pings me. She is worried that I am alone and insists that I should join her family. My heart swells with gratitude but I assure her that I will be fine, "It's an apartment, if anything happens there are people to run to." I try to make light of the situation, "plus it's an opportunity to get some school work done." She reluctantly relents.
At 2 p.m. hurricane Sandy makes landfall. The pouring rains turns into heavy splatter accompanied by howling winds with high-pitched whistles from a distance. Sandy is as pissed as a wife who has just discovered her husband's mistress! The car alarms have begun to create a symphony of their own. A broken tree branch hovers dangerously above the car. It is hanging on by a thread (or rather a limb). I contemplate moving the car but decide against it. It's far too windy outside. Better the car than me.
Broken tree limb above my car. Yikes!
The phone rings and drags me from my thoughts. "I'm at KPH, an officer was shot"
“Huh?”
As if remembering my propensity to panic, he quickly adds, "It's not serious though."
My inner subconscious screams "What you mean it's not serious? What you mean shot? Please come home now!!!"
Instead the composed me said "Oh no! Please be safe."
Then it hits me, "Where you in the same space as this person?"
"Yes"
My mind shuts down and I repeat like on automation, "Oh no, please be safe!"
At their best efforts the utility companies are no match for the crazed woman named Sandy. As if on cue several transformers explode and the power is the first to go. My mobile service vacillates between GSM and SOS. In brief intervals 4g (lowercase g not an error) pops up. At least I still have water 🙂
Sandy in full swing!
I sit in the darkness staring blankly at the walls, willing myself to dismiss any thoughts of danger befalling my hubby. With every passing siren, my heart skips a beat. I decide to work on my assignments, but really who can focus with all that is happening? Sleep is nowhere to be found.
After 16 hours on duty my hubby is finally home... in one piece. I am radiating joy! Alas, this is one of the reasons I vowed I’d never marry a police officer but I guess life is full of ironies!
First time reading this post. With one brother a Police and the other a soldier, i am acutely aware of the various emotions you feel on a different level. You just have to pray and believe in God’s goodness and the fact that your love surrounds him like a shield. Keep on being strong, great WOMAN of immense POWER!
Bucka is covered underneath the blood. I claim this upon his life and upon all those who serve our countries in such capacities.
Not only wives of police officers or soldiers fret legit… I fret for my hubby everyday and I can’t imagine my life without him. But it must be pretty scary for u.. I never want my family or hubz to be a cop.. too dangerous. But u r strong
It’s typo legit is lesha
I can relate to ur feelings as my husband is a soldier and I do have terrifying moments and sleepless nights…..your blog touched home..
I read this blog and I feel what you feel and I understand everything you go through….. it is not an easy task getting involved with someone who has a dangerous job. The worry, the pressure, the stress. Every day praying that they leave for work or just out of the house and pray that they get back home safe. Trust me is not an easy road, nuff tears and worrying u haffi go through but pray to the Good Lord that they’ll be fine as they carry out protecting the public.
Every time I read your blog I feel like I have time traveled to the exact event and I’m right there with you. I tear up, I laugh, so loud at time people probably think I am crazy, but who cares. Thanks for sharing your happiness, your fears…your life-it gives unmarried ones like myself a glimpse of certain things to look forward to. Weh dem seh-each one, teach one. (by the way for a coward you really have some strong traits)
Keep them coming!
Thanks Trudzzz!
It does get easier hun, especially when you have a little one at home tp keep you occupied. I have been married to an Officer in the army for 3 years and there are times when he is away for days on end, case in point, the Tivoli excursion. Its things like these that will make you guys cherish the moments you spend together and reflect on your love when you are apart.
Will add your hubby’s name to my prayer list. Continue to keep the faith
Speechless! Ah boy! #constant prayers#
Oh Lecia, you are such a great writer! This is rather moving. I always look forward to reading your blogs. I am very happy your hubby made it home safe. Continue to ask God`s guidance and protection over him when he is call to do his duties.
Very good piece highlighting the emotional tug-o-war that comes with been with a spouse who is in the police force.
Very moving piece. i can actually feel the love. i felt like crying in the first half of the story. i know what its like to have someone you love out there and all you can do is worry and wonder if they are OK.
Lecia, I find your blogs to be quite entertaining and usually you have me laughing. I can definitely relate to this one and say without a doubt I knew exactly how you must have felt. My boyfriend too is a police officer and when I heard he had to work my heart fell. At first I didn’t want to call or text to distract him but then he sent me a text about the cop that got shot and I completely misread it. I thought it was him as the names are similar. I was numb for a good 10 mins. Until it dawned on me that I should probably call. I did and hearing his voice instantly took away my fears. Needless to say, the “are you ok?” texts and calls went out quite frequently after that. It aint easy loving someone in that line of work. Streesssss!!!!!
Anyhoo, love reading your blogs. You’re definitely great at it, keep doing what you’re doing.
Thanks Marsha!
The first section had me almost tearing up. It’s such a blessing to have a person who not only can read you and know you, but who goes above and beyond to make you feel comforted. Hol’ on pon dah one yah!
I know that feeling that u get when your hubby is on duty as my partner is also in the force…n i can attest to a few “sobbing episodes” but its the short phone calls and text messages to check up on me and to make me that he is ok that keeps me from just completely losing it….but all you got to do is just pray for him
ok i just went through every emotion with you and i have never been in ur shoes… that girlfriend who called u to come over as u already know good friends are hard to find she is a keeper. i’m glad u are both safe….
Thank good everything is ok, that was so scary, omg! You’re good at what you do…luv it
Thanks Pat!