Stealing a Valentine!

Valentine’s Day is usually the day of love, but I thought I'd blog about something much different today. Well, in a way it is about love... in an odd, obsessive – dare I say – a different kind of way.

So, yesterday my colleagues told me of a website dedicated to shaming home wreckers. This "ingenious" site claims Trinidadian origins and is aptly titled “Trini Home Wreckers” with the tag being a clever play on the popular phrase “Hell hath no fury like a Trini... Horned”

Now, the legal side of me will not allow me to even post a link to this distasteful site as it's a lawsuit waiting to happen, (seriously, Google it on your own!) but as a wife I am forced to comment on this website.

Basically, the concept of the site is self-explanatory. Women, rather wives (and I use the term rather loosely) use this site as a medium to post photos of their husband's mistresses, or what we here in Jamaica refer to as our “maties”. They then go on to explain how this "matey" has wrecked their marriage and their lives: chasing their husbands, sleeping with him, leaving their dirty panties under the bed, having his baby—

Now, hold your horses! Am I the only one who thinks this is bullshit?! Is your husband not a free agent who roams the earth making his own decisions? Unless these mistresses are serial rapists, they are not sleeping (resists the urge to be crass) with themselves. So, who gives you the right to plaster their photos on the internet in an attempt to shame them? Who died and made you judge of their characters? And, seriously, who are you really shaming?

The thing that really riles me up about this website is... wait, let me first give you a chance to guess who is noticeably absent!  But of course, the answer is the other consenting party – the husband. There are no pictures of the husbands, their images are not published for the world to see, nor are there any commentaries warning:

"This is my doggish husband who is married, but can't seem to keep his piece in his trousers. Young, unsuspecting women beware!"

Instead, the men remain blameless. Indeed, they are spoken of as if they are helpless victims who have fallen prey to the bewitching power of these seductresses— Delilahs— whose only mission in life is to break up a happy home.

Browse the site and you will find wives telling stories of women who refuse to stop calling their husbands. Wait – did I miss something? There is a neat feature on a phone that allows you to block a number (I know it works because yesterday I accidentally blocked all incoming calls to my phone). Tell your husband to use it! If that doesn't work then change the number, better yet, dash whey the phone (Jamaican Patios).

You will also find wives telling stories of women who have gone out of their way to sleep with their husbands, even having the audacity to trick him to into impregnating them. Excuse me! Did she fall from a tree and accidentally land on his *ick!? Did he not play an active role in the process? Did she steal his semen and use a turkey baster to impregnate herself?  (Yes, I know, I have watched one too many episodes of Being Mary Jane).

And the best is the gem of a tale of one wife who claimed that she and her husband even moved to be away from the mistress, but alas the mistress kept finding a way to seduce her poor unsuspecting husband. She even laments, "I don't know what she tells him to always get him back."

Woman, shut it! I have three words for you: Have. A. Seat.

Let's be honest, your attempt at slut shaming is only empowering one person: your husband, who by the way, remains nameless and faceless, left alone in peace  to merrily continue his whoring ways.

But even worst, your slut shaming is a woeful attempt at trying to recapture what is clearly your eroded self-esteem. If you think that you have to plaster another woman's picture on the internet to get your husband to stay home, then your marriage is in a pitiful state. 

 Now, I must confess that a part of me secretly wished that the wives would have posted photos of themselves, so that I could - ahem - you know, provide some constructive criticism. I'm just saying... If you are going to put another woman on blast, then play fair, and at least give us an opportunity to judge for ourselves. Maybe, just maybe, the answer to why he is cheating is right there!

From one wife to another, you have one of two choices if your husband is cheating:

1. stay, or
2. leave

If you choose the former, then lay the blame right where it belongs: squarely at his feet. Direct your anger, disgust and disappointment at him! Go get counselling, assuming he is willing (if not, then I refer you to option two), work on your marriage, in the words of Mary Jane "up your sex game" but for heaven sakes, leave the other woman out of it. That is not your battle to fight, unless she physically attacks you, in which event there is this great little legal term we lawyers call self-defence.

I know that love leads us to do many stupid things! I myself have been guilty of countless acts of cupidity (play on words; clever huh?) even taking desperate measures (read: too ashamed to even say out loud) to save a past relationship, but really, pull your socks up! Be dignified wives. Get off the website; stop, just stop making excuses for the actions of our husbands.  Most importantly, stop slut shaming another woman in a futile attempt to feel better about yourself.

They say love is blind, but I beg you, open your eyes. Hold your man accountable and make a choice:

1. Stay, or
2. Leave!

On a lighter note, and in the true spirit of Valentine’s Day, the site also has a section dedicated to finding true love – let's have a show of hands of all the men who would be stupid enough to date one of the crazies who post on this site. I didn't think so!