I think (scratch that), I know my husband is cheating on me with not one, but two mistresses. And these are no ordinary mistresses. Oh no! They are entertaining, funny, witty, constant companions and ever the socialites. What's the worst part? He has defiled our marriage by taking them to bed with us!
I have forgiven him many times because, even I'll admit, each mistress is quite the seductress. He is no match for their sultry voices eagerly promising, "Your wish is our command." I have come to the realization that I can't compete with these mistresses. They are everything I'm not: they love sports. In fact, they keep him constantly updated on the latest football scores, and often hang with him while he tunes in for his favourite sports. They are also quite the trend setters, always reinventing themselves.
They are also pretty damn demanding and quite selfish to the point where he has little or no room for me in his world. I must admit they do a damn good job of monopolizing his attention while I sulked in corner and seriously contemplate leaving (but then I'm plagued by the nagging question: would he even notice that I'm gone?)
The truth is I have known about these mistresses all along— gasp. One, almost started a row on our honeymoon when he opted to attend to her social needs, rather than enjoy our quiet romantic dinner in the quaint town of Buzios, Brazil. More recently, both have been the source of many-a-shouting matches after realizing that he has really just been ignoring me, while I try to engage him in my many spirited conversations. The hints: his automated replies of “Uh uh”, “Mmm mmm” and “Yes” without lifting his head as his fingers skillfully manipulate either of mistresses.
Whenever I confront him about this unhealthy and destructive obsession, his robotic response his is "You lucky! At least I don't smoke, drink or gamble" Well, I never...
This year, I have a new resolution. I am ready to announce that it’s time he got a divorce! I'm putting my foot down, and in the name of all that is holy, 2014 is the year my husband will choose me or go and make a new life with his little bitches: Suri (iPhone 5s) and Samsung Galaxy Note 3.
Photo credit: bitstrips
Yes, it's time he divorced his phones. Not me, silly!
I am dead serious; those phones are the bane of my existence. I can't compete with them. And really, who has two of the hottest picks on the market? Both the iPhone and the Samsung?! Seriously! That's like sleeping with Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie -- at the same time! That's just plain greedy if you ask me. (Confession: I must admit that I am the beneficiary of his hand-me-downs whenever he upgrades, so I do have a Samsung Galaxy and an iphone 5c too. Don’t judge.)
Really though! Who has both phones?
But let’s not get distracted. The case of my husband’s gadget obsession is a serious one. Any and every new gadget from Apple, and most recently from Samsung has come through these doors. The truth is that all these gadgets, phones, tablets all are pretty time-consuming. They rob us of valuable time that could be spent making real connections with our family and friends.
Yep, this is really a problem!
It is pretty ironic because the very thing that has now made communication easier, has also created a wedge, in fact, grave distance between people. Take my husband and I, for example, we spend hours in the same room and sometimes barely utter a word to each other, often because we are both so engrossed in our phones, tablets, laptops, or whatever other gadget that happens to grab our attention.
Typical family time
Look around, whether at church, work, meetings, parties or restaurants, people are no longer talking to each other. Our phones consume our lives. With so many apps competing for our undivided attention there seems to be little or no time for actual person to person interaction. We seem to get more gratification from our social media friends, some of who we'll never meet, rather than those persons right under our nose, screaming for our attention each and every day.
Photo credit: bitstrips
So I say death to all gadgets in 2014! OK, destruction of smartphones may be a bit over the top. But like my husband who is borderline neurotic, and who is in desperate need of a seven step programme from Smartphones Anonymous (SA), I suggest that you too, divorce your smartphone and get back to making real connections a priority.
All right fine, I'll admit it, I too may need a divorce... from my phone!
Share this with a friend and let's get going on the "divorce your phone movement".
Inspired by bloggers Lesley Carter and Jarrid Wilson. Click on the links to see how they will divorce their phones too!
I love it……. I saw a family at a hotel and they were sitting at the poolside, supposedly on vacation, the child was on his game, the father on his ipad and mom on her smartphone for the entire time they sat there over an hour not a word was exchanged between them. I became sad.
Good luck!!
I guess all modern day peeps are guilty.
I am soooo Guilty
Sigh….
Unfortunately, I am the one in my marriage who is like this. I sleep with my iPhone every night, right between me and hubby. SMH.. This has opened my eyes though.. Thanks for the hilarious story..
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So true…recently point out the same to mine..didn’t get anywhere…sad
OMG you had me sad and fooled!!! Great post!
This is so true. Love it and will definitely share.
This article speaks to me. SMH. I am the giver and the receiver of Galaxy Note 3 bun.
Lol! I love it “the giver and receiver of galaxy note 3 bun”
You know you are right. We really are to addicted.
Completely loved this article. It hits tge nail on the head. I too had that addiction, but hubby nipped it in the bud. He always complained that i used my mobile all the time but i felt he was exaggerating as I think he does many times when the problem relates to any issue concerning me.
Well I kept bonding with my lover, so one night in the middle of our lovemaking, he stops and proceeds to feed the animals on his farm on Hay Day, and check FB. I was as mad a rabbid racoon on meth. Luckily there were no sharp instruments around for me to carve a bit of his anatomy off. Regardless I learned my lesson. We dont take phones on dinner dates, movies and at dinner time they are all sitting in a basket until after we are done. Life is short and sometimes it only takes a few minutes to miss out on a memorable comment a spouse/partner may want to share with you.
Haha! Truer words have never been spoken Simone! Thanks for reading and please share!
Can definitely relate to this one. So need a divorce too!
Join the movement Renee!
Spot on with this one…I can so relate to this!
I must admit anything Samsung is amazing thoooo 🙂 but I see your point hahaha thts realll obsession right there. Love the writing style, it definitely kept me interested.
Haha! Thanks Shorna-Kaye! Please share!