Decisions you should make before getting married

A wedding requires a lot of planning and decision-making, but it’s nothing compared to the decisions you will be required to make when married. Most people put off talking about the really important things until after they tie the knot. Big mistake. Huge.

Here is my list of things that you simple must address before getting hitched:

Where will you live? Hopefully, not with your in-laws! Seriously though, if you aren't already living together, this decision may vary from finding a new place to giving up one partner's apartment for the other. Whatever the decision, you should both feel comfortable with the location, the cost of rent or mortgage. You may also want to decide if this is a short-term residence, or somewhere you'd like to lay roots.

Will you consolidate vehicles and carpool? I had major separation issues parting with Bucky, my beloved Honda Fit. I loved that car because it was my very first major purchase! However, no matter how I spun it, keeping Bucky was out of the question, and certainly when compared to my hubby's car it was a no brainer which would go up for sale! It didn't make it any less painful, but when two people join their lives together, alas, common sense must prevail.

Jamaica is not like USA where car payments are super cheap (Hell! The car payment for my Honda Fit could have leased a BMW). Therefore, the decision to keep one or retain both vehicles is a real issue for many young married couples. For some, it will be more practical to keep both vehicles, while for others, one less car payment could help towards achieving the dream of home ownership.

Whatever your decision, there has to be a discussion on the way forward, and hopefully, it's settled before your wedding day.

How many children will you have? I know, life happens. Sometimes an unexpected child pops out, but in reality, the number of children you will have can be planned. This is too important a decision to be left to chance.

Before getting married, you both need to be on the same page. Does he want a football team, whereas you were thinking more in the range of a tennis team? At what stage do you want to start having children? How far apart do you want them?

Of course, other factors may impact this decision. Your circumstances may change after marriage. A promotion or raise in pay may make having more children affordable, or you may really want to try for that boy or girl even though this means exceeding your original plan. This is all a part of life, but you do need to enter your marriage with a game plan. Adjustments can then be made along the way.

My hubby and I have agreed on two children (between you and me, I am hoping for twins). I've even started watching TLC's A Baby Story in order to mentally prepare myself for the journey, but I have given up on watching the agony and torture that is disguised as giving birth. I take no comfort from the fact that most mothers claim that after seeing the child, memories of the pain vanish. I'm not so sure about that! Only time will tell.

When will you embark on baby making expedition?  I promise you, as soon as the ring goes on the next question (you will tire of hearing) is "So, when is the baby coming?" If it were up to my mom, a baby would have been conceived on the wedding night!

Most married couples have a baby within three years of marriage, and will readily confess that while they don't regret having children (I suppose it would be horrid if they did), they wished they had waited a bit longer. The moral of the story: do not be pressured into having a baby!

Remember, a child is a commitment for at least 18 years -- most marriages don't even last that long! A lot of things go out the window when you have a child: your personal priorities and your freedom, just to name a few. If you are still deciding on the next steps in your career, education or even how you want to move forward, it's probably a good idea to hold off on having a child until you both have a game plan!

We're shooting for at least three solid years of marriage before the heralding of the little rug rats!

Where will you worship? Will you both attend the same church? Are you both comfortable with worshipping at different denominations? Do you have divergent views? Does your partner even belief in God?

Of course, you can't account for what may happen after you get married. One partner could suddenly decide that Scientology is the way forward, whereas another could decide to become a Rastafarian. (Side note: I have nothing against either religion. I merely cited them because of the drastic lifestyle changes that would accompany joining either faith.)

It may sound simple, but many marriages have broken down because of religious differences. If you don't presently worship in the same place, also consider, in whose denomination will the child(ren) be primarily indoctrinated?

How will you share your finances? This is a sore topic that too many couples do not talk about, yet studies show that money is the number one cause of arguments among couples. You must decide how your finances will be distributed. It is also important to know what financial burdens each party is bringing to the table.

Declare them all: student loans, short loans, hire purchase and car payments. Lay them all on the table. It is the only way for you to both know how to best distribute your funds.

My first tip is if you are in a relationship that is getting serious and could be leading to marriage, it's time to start taking a good look at your personal finances.

Focus on clearing off as much of your debt as possible. Doing so will allow you to enter your marriage with as clean a slate. Don't wait until marriage before he or she learns that you can't take out anything at Courts because they have repossessed your goods before and your credit sucks, or even that the cable has to be in his name because you still have an outstanding bill! Save yourself the embarrassment and your partner the frustration.

The recommended approach to finances is to pool resources (and unless you have fallen for a mega rich man or woman, this is often out of necessity). The books I read advise on creating three accounts: one major account for both incomes, and then each partner agrees on a personal allowance for his or her own account. This allowance is an amount that you can use to do whatever you desire, no accounting necessary! The pool account is where money is pulled to take care of utilities, rent, mortgage, car payments, savings, investments... you get the picture.

Clearly, I am not a financial planner, and the aforementioned arrangement may not work for everyone. If your partner is an uncontrollable spend drift or shop alcoholic, a pooled account may not be so smart. Some persons decide to divide the bills so that one pays the rent, while the other covers the utilities. In most cases, arrangements have already been made for major loans (car payment, student loan, etc.) to be deducted from your respective salaries.

In other situations, one party may have to shoulder all weight because the other partner is pursuing full-time studies, or is still job hunting. There is really no hard and fast rule, except that you must agree on how you will arrange your finances.

What are your short-term and long-term goals? You can only be a true supporter of your partner's dreams if you know where they want to be! How does he see himself five years from now? What do you want to accomplish? These are not just questions we swat pretty answers to in preparation for a job interview, they are real questions that you must be able to answer, not only for yourself, but also for your partner.

Talk about things such as furthering your education. Do you plan on doing masters? Are doctoral studies in your future? Is your hubby working towards a promotion? Do either of you want to start your own business? If you know these things then you will be in a better position to understand each other’s actions.

Support is not automatic. You must share your vision in order to bring people on board, and in this case your spouse is the ultimate cheerleader. People in general are a lot more willing to make sacrifices when they understand the cause. Couples are no different.

This couldn't be truer of my situation: believe me, it was not an easy decision to walk away from the perfect job having been recently promoted for the uncertainty of school and reliance on a man. Yes, I had savings, but I didn't realize how quickly my reserves run dry being unemployed! I make no bones about it, law school would have been a much more grueling process if I didn't have the unwavering support of my hubby. He will tell you of my major panic attacks and the hours upon hours he spent convincing me that all would be well.

Would I be willing to do the same for him? In a heartbeat! Because I know his vision and I'm prepared to help him achieve it no matter what! If you are still not able to articulate your partner's vision and you are not prepared to help them achieve it, I humbly submit that you should postpone (better yet, cancel) your wedding plans.

There you have it, my thoughts on things you must discuss before getting hitched, what say you?