Could you be one of many wives?

As you all know by now I am a reality series junkie, so after getting my daily dose of Bravo’s Real Housewives, I was flipping through the channels. Showtime caught my attention with its new reality series Polyamory. In case you haven’t figured it out, Polyamory is a “provocative reality series that takes an inside look at non-monogamous, committed relationships that involve more than two people.” (Copied directly from Showtime).

I couldn’t stop watching. Here is the plot: one couple is married, but they live with a girlfriend. The other two sets of couples are also married, but they now live together as one big happy family. Confusing? OK, picture hubby and I (married to each other), and some other couple (also married to each other) deciding to share our lives as well as our beds.

Got it? Good, so I began thinking, hmmm... maybe this isn’t such a bad idea. Hear me out and let’s think rationally for a while. After you get past the thought that you’d be forced to share the goods (aka the candy stick), it may not be such a bad bargain after all! Let me start conservatively with let’s say three wives. There’s one who’s very good at cooking, cleaning and other domestic chores; another who is great at shopping and handling the kids; and of course you (well me). That’s three people with whom you can split the household chores, take turns to get dinner ready and look after the kids.

Think about it.

Scenario one: I come home from work to a sumptuous dinner and rose petal bath prepared by wife number two (even as I type this wife number two could be preparing a meal).

Scenario two: I’m at my computer getting work done and Josh (my imaginary two-year old) decides to pester me, how great would it be if I get to say “Darlene come get Josh”. That’s wife number three to the rescue!

Still not convinced?

Think back on all those times when you got home from work, tired as a horse, prepared dinner and hubby still thought that he was entitled to his wifely dues! How great it would be to remind him that tonight was not your turn!

I must admit I’m a bit turned on by the idea (no pun intended). Three, well, that's four incomes counting the man’s, and that means a bigger house, better car, more savings -- and more shoes!!!

Best of all it solves one of the biggest marital problems! The main cause of divorce is infidelity (fun fact: 50% of all marriages end in divorce). Imagine the advantage of a controlled environment where a man doesn’t have to choose between having chicken, steak or filet mignon. His bedroom would be quite exciting with more than enough action for any one man to handle. If not, just remind him of the tragic end that came to this Nigerian husband who was raped to death by his five wives.

Aside: this fantasy could work either way, but the thought of having to render wifely dues to more than one husband is simply too exhausting for me.

Let’s not kid ourselves no amount of “foot pon shoulder”, “6:30”, “lizard lap”, “head top” or “tun up pum pum” will prevent a man from leaving the coop if what he desires is something different. Understand that it’s not about the product (which could be the best), it’s the subsequent chase and conquest that matters. Men are hunters at heart (well, some women are too).

OK fine, I did also mull over the disadvantages: increased risk of STDs, potential jealousy and conflict between the wives. Those were the three I came up with. The first could be lessened with open communication and a genuine commitment to the relationship. As for the second, any way you look at it you are at risk for STDs. You simply have to trust that your partner is holding up their end of the bargain. With respect to the third, I’m not given to fits of jealousy, but yes, where there are too many women there is bound to be conflict, so this may be my major sore point.

As my excitement grew, I started to do some research (I kid you not) and discovered that polyamory is quite popular. It is not as strange as you may think. Right here at home there have been popular figures like Leahcim Semaj who once had two wives, and Vybz Kartel who argued that his lifestyle shouldn’t be frowned upon as he is able to take care of all his wives.

Further afield, there are celebrities such as the famous Hugh Hefner who is the only 80-odd-year-old who makes it look cool to live with three girls all under the age of 30; the infamous Charlie Sheen and his goddesses; and --  I bet you never expected this -- Will Smith who has a pact with his wife that it is all right to sleep with someone else, as long as it isn't behind the back of the person you love. (See for yourself: Daily Mail)

According to Will and Jada, why avoid something that comes natural? They even removed the “forsaking all others” from their wedding vows to reflect their unconventional outlook on marriage.

So here I am thinking that if we get rid of society’s expectations (and by that I mean western expectations, since it’s perfectly acceptable to have more than one wife in other parts of the world), maybe polyamory is not such a bad idea after all.

What say you?

P.S. to my husband – I hope you realise that this is pure idle chatter(although if you take home a slice of red velvet, it may not be entirely off the table).