Seven reasons I SUCK as a wife!

Gotcha! You’re so naughty, tsk tsk. No, this is not a post on how to perform mind-blowing fellatio (although that would make for very exciting reading). It is really as the heading says, Seven reasons I suck (or why I'm terrible) at being a wife.

Nobody is perfect, so I was undaunted when I started to write this post. I was confident that I knew all my personality flaws: the not so nice things about me that my hubby didn’t like. I started my list, and after I had written three things, I was stuck.

Woo hoo! There are just three bad things about me. Impressive!

And, then I decided to call my hubby, "What are the things you hate most about me? Tell me about five."

"Just five?" he asked, incredulously.

(Warning flag. Maybe I should just scrap this idea right away!)

As the conversation progressed, I often felt the need to politely ask, "Expand on that please." After a short while, my heart started racing. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and my palms were sweating. All indications that I was getting overwhelmed -- upset even.

He sensed my anxiety, and was off the phone in record time, 'If think about anything else, I’ll ping you.'

(Why the f#$k did I think this post was a good idea?)

In an attempt to calm down, I flipped on the TV. The reality series Misadvised was on. In this episode, one of the girls met with a therapist because she was concerned about a hate site that was set up about her. It turned out that the things she was most sensitive about were the things that were closest to being the truth (talk about rubbing salt into the wound).

Was I experiencing such intense feelings because there was perhaps a hint of truth to what my hubby said? It was time to take a brutally honest look at myself.

So, against my better judgment, here is the list of why I SUCK, starting with the things easiest to swallow (no pun intended):

7. I am an introvert/ I love being alone 

Guilty with explanation.  My hubby thinks that I am not friendly. He is worried when I am about to meet a new friend because -- and these are his words -- “I do not know which Lecia they are going to meet.”  (As if I’m Schizophrenic!)

My defence: People, this man has 5000 plus friends on Facebook and even more in real life! I’ll admit, I’m not Miss Congeniality, but I do have a decent smile, and I know how to greet people politely. Since my dearly beloved is so common popular, my response to his friends is based on his relationship with them. If I am familiar with your name, when I meet you I will be very warm and engaging. If I have never heard of you, then chances are you will receive a faint smile, a pleasant "How are you?" and I’ll be on my way.

I simply can’t keep up with him, but I will endeavour to be more welcoming. See, I'm smiling already.

6. I don’t enjoy kissing

Guilty as charged. I can’t argue with this. My hubby enjoys those long intense, passionate movie type kisses. I don’t. Alas, I will seek help on this one (and I’ll write a post to let you know how it’s going).

And he says I hate kissing!

5. I am NOT submissive

Guilty with an explanation. My hubby thinks that I am defiant and unwilling to accept any sort of leadership or advice simply because I do not want to appear submissive.

My defence: I grew up in a contradictory household. My mom is a single parent who always holds down the fort. She is a strong, independent woman who does everything on her own. There was never a man in our house. Yet, her religious beliefs and teachings were always that a man is the head of the household. I was never sold on that concept, so at Kingdom Hall, my snicker at talks of "the submissive wife" would be swiftly followed by a knock to the head (What?! What did I do mommy?)

I just hate that damn word 'submissive'. Why do I need to submit? It sounds a lot like slavery. I prefer words like 'partnership' and 'support'. I’d like to think that my husband and I have different yet complementary roles to play in our relationship and so it’s a partnership, not one of submission.

4. I procrastinate

Not guilty! Well, most of the times. My hubby says that I have a very short attention span (which I do admit), so I’ll start projects, and not follow through on them because I’m distracted by something else.

My defence? Sigh. I do admit that I tend to procrastinate but after exploring this charge, I think the better explanation is that I tend to take on too many things at once and so ultimately some things get left behind.

So, let’s take, for example, my inability to follow through on a project. He referenced 'Created in Jamaica' in particular. This is a project that is still very dear to me and which I have every intention of completing. However, shortly after this initiative, I also started school, I entered mooting competitions, and I was planning a wedding!  It was impossible to keep going at it!

3. I am stubborn/argumentative/defensive

Guilty, but with very good explanation. Hubby says that I am always on the defensive, and I argue for arguing sake. (I’m training to be a lawyer. Duh!)

Arguing this would only prove that he is right, so moving right along.

2. I have tunnel vision

Guilty as charged but I am willing to work on this. My husband’s point of view goes something like this: when I become focused on a project (for example this blog), I zone in on it to the exclusion and sometimes detriment of everything else around me. This is true.

This complaint was especially rampant during school, before exams and leading up to our wedding. What can I say? If my attention is fixed on a goal, the skies could be falling, I’m probably not going to notice. I get so caught up in completing a task that I even forget to eat. It’s that bad.

Note to self: I must work on this.

1. I am selfish

Not guilty! Absolutely not... OK fine, maybe a teeny-weeny bit.

I am an only child for my mom. It’s not an excuse, but contrast that with my hubby who grew up with nine siblings. He is accustomed to sharing, I am not. Admittedly, I do have a little mean streak but if I care about you, there’s nothing you can’t have -- just don’t touch my shoes, clothes, jewellery -- oh hell, don’t touch anything!

So there I have bared my soul, why would your hubby say you suck?