Twelve things you should never say to a bride-to-be

I must admit that I was  a slight, fine, a huge bridezilla, but if you can imagine the pressure, stress and anxiety that go with planning one of the MOST important days of a woman’s life, then you’ll forgive me and all the other bridezilla’s that you’ve encountered.

At some point the bride-to-be is guaranteed to be at loggerheads with her family, wedding planner and even her groom-to-be. You don’t want to be the cause of wedding stress. Furthermore, you just might be the one to push her over the edge with your inconsiderate statements.

You don’t want to bear that responsibility, do you? So, here are 12 things you should never ever say to a bride to be:

12. Is that your ring?

I'll take any opportunity to show off our rings.

If it’s on her ring finger, the answer can only be yes! So, unless you are asking in awe and utter amazement at what can only be described as the most stunning ring you’ve ever seen, don’t!  You may not be caught dead wearing that ring, but it’s not yours. Don’t insult the bride-to-be. Her ring may be too small or too cheap for your taste, but you don’t know their budget. And, besides, isn’t it the couple’s love that we should be celebrating?

11. Is your rock for real?

Yep, if it's that huge and her man isn't Jay Z, it probably isn't real.

Seriously, I shouldn’t have to comment on this, but here goes:  it doesn’t matter if she is rocking a cubic zirconia the size that only Jay Z and celebrities of his kind can afford, ooh and aah over that fake rock like it’s the eighth wonder of the world. If you can’t fake it, then smile and zip it!

10. How much does your bling cost?  

And no, your ring doesn't have to be a diamond.

Seriously!? Even I don’t know how much my ring cost. As far as I know, my hubby could have sold his soul for it. And if he did, I really don’t care. Unless you are as dumb as a doornail, just don’t ask.

9. I don’t like your dress

And I would care because… OK, let me put this in context. If you are helping her to shop for the dress, then this is a perfectly acceptable comment. In fact, this is the best time to be as frank as you can. You can’t allow your girl to walk down the aisle looking 'ratchet'. But for heaven’s sake, if she has already chosen the dress, and is super excited about it (constructive criticism aside), Shut. Your. Mouth.

8. You need to lose weight

Yes, I know I need to lose weight God dammit! Why do you think I have been busting my ass in the gym for the past few weeks? Every bride-to-be is obsessive compulsive about her body weight and every other flaw that she has always been insecure about. Don’t make it worst. She already knows that she needs to lose a few pounds to look drop dead gorgeous on her wedding day, but if you keep reminding her she may just dropkick your insensitive ass.

7. I’m not wearing that!

Let me say this: it’s not your damn wedding!  A considerate bride-to-be will most likely take into account the style and colour preferences of her bridesmaids. She may even let you choose your own dress. Believe me, she understands how important it is to have the bridal party look their best on her big day.  But honestly, bitching and griping about what you are wearing is the last thing that she wants to deal with. It’s not your day! Unless she is dressing you in a tutu and taffeta, suck it up, hide from the cameras and destroy the photos!

6. So, I’m one of your bridesmaids, right?

I'll use any excuse to show off my beautiful bridesmaids 🙂

No witch, you aren’t! Even if you are the bride-to-be BEST and ONLY friend, don’t ask if you are a bridesmaid. She’ll let you know in due time, and don’t get mad if you are not of the chosen few. She has to placate her family, her future groom's family, her childhood friends and her new best friends. It’s already way too much pressure.

5. I’m not sitting beside so-and-so

Throw a tantrum, and she just might smack you!

Yes, I know you can’t stand Stacy because she stole your man way back in high school, but quite frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass where you sit or who you don’t like. If you don’t want to sit there, work it out, exchange seats on your own or better yet, stay home!

4. “If it were my wedding…”

Exactly! It’s not YOUR wedding. If she asks for your input, then by all means give it. Otherwise, save all those fabulous ideas that you have for your dream wedding -- if it ever comes.

3. Can you afford all this?

If you want to donate in cash or kind to the couple then do so. If not, shut the hell up. Every bride-to-be imagines her dream wedding, and will go the extra mile to make it happen. You may think that she’s being a bit extravagant in going over budget, but unless you are her personal banker, leave it alone!

2. Are you really going to marry him?

Unless he busts her lips the night before the wedding, this is absolutely not the time and place to be questioning her decision. Sure you hate his guts, and yes, you know it’s only a matter of time before she comes running to you complaining of his trifling ass. If you have already had that heart-to-heart talk and she still decides to marry him, let it go! Forever hold your peace!

1. Finally! It’s about time!

That right there should earn you an instant disinvite to the wedding. No matter how long they have been dating or living together in sin (as my mom frequently reminded us), even if she had to threaten him to get that ring, the only appropriate response is, "OMG! I am so happy for you!" followed by celebratory champagne of course.

What was the most insensitive thing that was ever said to you?