It's Sunday morning at about 8:00 a.m. and I am briskly walking the Melbourne 5K route, wondering to myself, why did I agree to this walk after not being in the gym for over six months?
It's because it's for such great causes. Keep walking in support of Special Olympics and sickle cell, I tell myself.
I break into a jog for about 10 seconds.
Nah. I'm walking. I pull out my phone and start scrolling.
It's then that I notice the message. Someone has sent me a screengrab of a message supposedly sent by a "friend" on a local gossip social media page. The very concerned friend is distressed that my husband has left me and our young child to go to Trinidad carnival. She's even more distressed that he has been posting suggestive photos and avers that I am quite dismayed by this, depressed even.
I burst out laughing so loud, my fellow walkers turn to look at me.
I share the screenshot with my real group of friends and ask, "but a which one a unno go road go tell mi business?"
We ultimately had a good laugh, deliberated whether we should stage a pity party with me bawling for Instagram, but ultimately decided it wasn't worth our time.
It's the same story every year.
My husband has been going to Trinidad carnival for the past nine years. He has been going before we got married, and since then he continues to go.
When I was pregnant, he tentatively asked, "So, do you mind if I go to carnival this year?"
"Of course!"
"You sure?"
"After me no handicap. Jeesh. I'll be fine."
I suspect he'll be going until "he's old and grey."
My husband loves carnival. It's his thing.
Every year for the last nine years I get asked the same questions.
Why do you let your husband go to carnival?
First of all, he is a grown-ass man. I don't let him do anything. But to the extent that I grant him "permission" to go to carnival, my only response is, why would I not let him go to carnival?
What could happen in Trinidad that couldn't possibly also happen here in Jamaica?
"Well, I couldn't watch my husband wine up on all dem sexy ladies deh, no sah!"
Let's face it, that is you projecting all your insecurities on your husband. If you are afraid that your man may sleep with every woman with whom he dances, you have bigger problems. I hate to break it to you, but your man is bound to interact with women who are far sexier and physically more beautiful than you.
Doesn't it bother you though Lecia, talk the truth?
The truth is, it doesn't. It's Trinidad carnival! What do you expect? Do you think men (and women) spend months working on their bodies and purchase skimpy costumes to go to Trinidad and smile at each other? Not everyone shares their exploits on social media, but take my word for it, carnival is all about the revelry, the party, and yes, the whine.
So, why him affi post so many pics, especially of him and the girls?
Well, I'm quite happy they are photos of him and women (no offence to my gay friends), but more importantly, it's the hypocrisy of our society which annoys me. So, if he goes to carnival, has the same experience but does not share photos or videos, it's somehow more palatable?
Why you don't go with him?
To do what? Watch him?
My love for carnival is a lot like my love for mimosas. It grew on me, thanks to my UWI roommates and Garfield. Carnival is not something I am passionate about. So yes, while I now enjoy carnival and plan to jump Trinidad carnival at least once, it is not high on my list of things to do.
And of course, my favourite question.
So, you no fraid he gone cheat pon you?
Let's establish that my husband doesn't need to go to Trinidad carnival to cheat! He could cheat right here in Jamaica "under mi nose." For heaven's sake, there are pastors who are cheating on their wives. Bottom line is, I cannot and will not worry about something over which I have no control.
Like it or not, none of us no matter how much we police or control our spouses will ever be able to know for sure that they have never cheated or will ever do so.
Get over it.
Believe it or not, it is entirely possible for two people to love each other, marry each other but still give each other space to maintain their own individuality, and pursue their own interests.
Plus, the truth is many of you on the gossip pages stressing about my man can't even keep or control the one that you are with, so WTF are you so worried about mine?
My husband was a carnival junkie before I met him. He most likely will remain one until he dies. It's not my job to change him.
Lord knows my marriage ain't perfect. No marriage is. I may have 99 problems, but I assure you, my husband going to Trinidad carnival is not one of them.
In the words of Fimba, "mind you funky business!"
I stumbled upon your page couple months ago and enjoyed reading your musings. I enjoyed reading so much that I went and peep on you and your husband’s social media platforms. For this particular post, I do have an alternative opinion that is in no way meant as a disrespect to how you, your husband and lovely daughter choose to live your lives. I agree that we do not control our spouses and they can cheat on us anytime and anywhere, but there is a thing called propriety in how we project ourselves to the world. You must admit that a man who is married and continues to go to carnival every year to gyrate on half naked women will leave even the most liberal among us with raised highbrow, especially someone who is “happily off the market”. We are free to lives how we choose, but when you are as public as you both are, then I’m afraid people will talk.
Indeed, that is exactly why we all make the own rules to our relationships. Different strokes for different folks!
Great read you are such an inspiration. Grown woman disposition admirable….
So hi…. I love this article (as a Trini and a Carnival lover who is married and can relate). I’m the limer, my wife, not so much. I go out for Carnival every year on my own while she works or stays home. This is great.
Only one thing… “wine”, not “whine” lol 😛
Haha! Thank you. The Caribbean slang is spelt Whine, so both are acceptable.
It’s wine as in wine and dine. Hurts to see whine which is negative. I enjoyed the article.
The colloquial expression is most often spelt “whine”. But thank you!
If you are to get ‘horn’ (?? being unfaithful) He doesn’t have to leave ??! I wish more women would own their relationships and not their husbands. All power to you????
?????? I love everything about this post! I look up to sooo much. Keep being the amazing person you are ?
All I can say is, I’m soo happy I found this. You have put so many things into perspective for me, (a new and better perspective). And I can’t wait to embrace it!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! ❤️
Why should you stop him from enjoying going to carnival. As you said he is a grown ass man and if he so desires to cheat he can do it anywhere. It makes no sense worrying over something you have no control of. Keep on doing what you are doing and to make you and your family happy.
Love this post! Truly agree with everything you’ve said here, it’s the truth. Carnival will not break your marriage or cause your husband to cheat. If that’s going to happen it will anyway.
This post alone, has earned you a new follower!! Damn right!
Thank you Danielle!
I’ve seen him on the road for carnival! You’re so right, allow the man to have his fun. A little wine never hurt nobody!
Much love from Trinidad ❤️
Here here Lecia!!!! Perfectly said!!! As one of the crew that ventures to Trinidad every year since 2008 for the excitement that is carnival (and I blame my Trini mother for the addiction), we keep cheering for you to make the trip with Bucka at least once!! We need a group shot with you ?? Until such time though, thank you for being the understanding wife you are, so many can learn from you. YES, Trinidad carnival is ‘wildness’ and for most of us it’s that one time of year that we look forward to …. as Machel says… RELEASE!! That one time of year when we forget about the stresses of ‘adulting.’ But yea, please plan for us to see you on d road for 2020 eh!!
One day, One day!
Now would her husband be as understanding if the shie was on the other foot?
I was hoping you would not respond to it but i understand if you felt differently. I am of the same mind, my husband loves Dreams Weekend I can never understand why, for the first few years we were together it bothered me that he would go but after sometime I realised i didnt want to be there and he did. Much as how i enjoy frenchmen with my girlfriends. So i decided to try something different, not feel terrified and embarassed by the unknown and let him live, i would enjoy my one party for the year and we would do the things we enjoyed together. Never been happier, havent looked back. Its easier for me i guess bcuz he is not on social media so i dont have to see it. But for heaven sakes LIVE YOUR LIFE YOUR WAY…às long as you are both happy as is tell the naysayers to go to hell, like you said all projecting their insecurities. I am happy you didnt try to make it seem like cheating is beyond him….stopping him from going to Carnival wouldnt prevent that anyway. Live Love Laugh
I am really happy I read your article…people really should mind their funky business
Love it!!!
Well I for one am happy that you wrote this because even though I never mentioned it anywhere I have wondered about his IG posts and wondered if they didn’t bother you. So now when his posts pop up on IG I am good. I agree with you on all accounts why stop him from enjoying his Carnival. This coming from a Carnival baby myself.
Yes! Tell them mind they f_cking business. My husband is Jamaican. He meet me playing carnival/mass every yr. He has never tried to change me or discouraged me from playing nor have he ever played carnival. He drops me off, pick me up after and he also hire a body gaurd to be with me every yr.
It’s sad that you actually had to write this piece but I really wish people would try to understand the fundamentals you have outlined and get a grip.
Thank you for sharing though. I enjoy reading your posts.
really admired this post and came to read it…people so often will come to promote negativity yet dont call to check on you…I love that you both can enjoy life and like you said…he dont have to go TNT to cheat; if they want to cheat they will!
I am not married yet and I know I am gonna have to give him his space. People too fass. Good job Mrs Taylor, keep your head high. You know the man you marry and you know what you have with him. Love you guys
Well said you inspire me
Well said Lecia
Well said! Makes a lot of sense!
Finally……i have been saying this long time……your man will cheat anywhere if he intent to do so….so dont stress over it….focus on making your relationship worthwhile
Girl nuff said at “stressing about my man can’t even keep or control the one that you are with”
Quick story:
My husband comes to JA for Champs every year for 15yrs or more, it’s his KC boys trip each and every year. In the past I use to let what my friends have to say effect my mood, create arguments in my relationship (and with these friends), until I realize some 10ys ago they were self projecting their relationship issues onto me. Girl, they would caution me on all the cheating he could be doing out there; he could have a relationship &/or child I don’t know about; he is disrespectful by not taking me along blahblahblah. Well it’s donkey years later and still not pop up “Maury” babies or champs lover and my marriage is stronger with each passing year. Long story short, to date, most of these “very concern” friends are divorce or moved on to several new relationships in search of marriage and kids!!
Totally agree……
Hotter than a cup of coffee….VERY WELL SAID….CRISPY LIKE TOAST ????
Well said. I started following you guys when I first saw a pic of your beautiful baby girl. More power to you guys.
I Sooooooo Love this Mrs Taylor, Well Said. Mind Yuh Funky Business ?????
Well said Lecia!
As we celebrate Women’s Day today, I’m moved by the stregth that lies within you as a person and I don’t know you personally but I do admire your ability to see pass all the BS that life can throw at us.
We are cute daughters, we are sweet sisters,
we are lovely lovers, we are darling wives,
we are adorable mothers, we are source of strength,
we are WOMEN!
Keep shining that beautiful smile and doing YOU the best way you were created to!
This hot and peppery like 10 fire side LOL – yes man bout time people are set straight – up on till this day you have some women who refuse to give up the man clown hats and capes. As you rightly put it you can not control other people and at the same time, you must be happy in respecting your partner as an individual. I follow you guys on IG and absolutely love you guys –
Life is for living not for entrapment, some people would much rather try and control their partners and then wonder why their relationship can’t grow, and sadly these people are the ones who suffer from heightened insecurities that not even having a relationship with someone who love dem dung to the grung can fix – Self love is a must – love yourself so that you can love others
Gwaan Garfield carnival naw stop – much love Lecia
Well said Lecia you speaking the truth!
This drip so much truth….I am tired to say we are all different and what works for one person doesn’t for the other!!!! People out here acting as if life can rewind….no moment is ever the same n we ain’t getting out alive so live every second of your life to its full capacity!!! Keep it strong hun you’re inspiring so many of us young ladies <3
I guess they’ll learn about trust eventually. Great article and read as usual.
I love you. Enough said. Shut it down. BTW first I hearing that song. I love it.
To be quite honest. It shows how confident and secure you are a wife and woman.
Well written article…Why do you feel you had to explain to anyone ?… That’s why them man left them because they feel like marriage is living in a cage..
Well said…..so true!!
If I LOVE you one more time….I’m loving this CLAB BACK!!!!! Mine you “FUCKING BUSINESS” there am a say it fa Lecia-Gaye….so sickening and so is the so call friends them….well said mama.
I honestly needed to read this. Morewhile i will sit down and ponder what my husband could or could not be doing but you made it perfectly clear, whether here or abroad, if he going to cheat, he going to cheat. Kudos to you Lecia. True definition of what REAL love is. Real love doesn’t control what the other partner does. Thank you for this!
I love it!!! You and your husband seem to have a healthy relationship. Individualism in relationships are important and necessary. It seems to be something many people does not understand, as such it creates distrust and problems where none needs to be. Keep doing you.
Honestly I cant understand how these ppl on social media make such opinionated comments when it relates to someone’s life. It disgusts me so much. But great clapback. If it was me I’d tell them to go @#%#^@^#&#&#&&#^$^# aka “a spice”
Well I don’t think anything is wrong with being totally secure of each other’s it’s a great freedom in relationship/marriage life is too short. It’s good for a happy partnership in marriage. That’s why ppl get depressed and off themselves because they feel stuck.
Well said. I dont understand why ppl think they should always have a say in other ppl relationships. If you can’t give your partner space to do what they love, what’s the point. I can’t see myself going to every party my partner going. That’s just BS!!! RELATIONSHIPS NEED TRUST.
Couldn’t say it any better, too real ???♀️
Yes! Tell them mind they f_cking business. My husband is Jamaican. He meet me playing carnival/mass every yr. He has never tried to change me or discouraged me from playing nor have he ever played carnival. He drops me off, pick me up after and he also hire a body gaurd to be with me every yr.
Girl, if I love and respect you any more….Spoken like a true, confident and secure lady you are. Let a man breath and he will love you even more….Not even Jordy you can totally tell what to do (these new age kids, answer and ask questions)…Love you girl, keep on keeping it real. Suss-mongers will forever be just that.
Well done ?? ???
Well said mama. I use to worry about so many things in my relationship,but truth be told why worry about things that I have no control of. Love it.
Lecia thou speaketh the truth. I agree 100% with you. I dont know why people feel once you are married you should lose your individuality. It is great to do things as a couple and also great to do things individually.
I like your level of thinking. All the best to you and your lovely family.
Profound ??
Well said I agree
Well written blog to address the haters. I fully agree with you that even though you both are married you still get to keep some of the individual aspect of yourselves. I fully believe that if more couples did this they would have longer and happier relationships.
You’re correct if a man want to cheat he would near or far don’t matter what but yes Garfield enjoy ya carnival life
Love your repsonse.. love it
Well said.. Appreciate that?
I’m so sorry every single person man and woman alike won’t be able to read this. Even more upset that I can’t share this on my Facebook, instagram and car glass. The reason for so much spousal abuse is the high level of insecurities and jealousy. My respect level just went through the roof for this woman. Also, I stole a part of it which is now my WhatsApp Display pic cuz some ppl need a reminder….
Lawd mi love this bad!!! I don’t know why persons are so worried over another person’s marriage or life!! Sas chrise, look like a me alone have too much problems to think about and has no time to take on another that doesn’t concern me. Live your life for you and your family mi dear.
Well said. Perfect song for them also
Amen!!!!! I like those responses. People love to watch other people business too much.
Whilst I may be single I can relate to this post so much. Thanks Lecia for saying exactly what others are fearful to say. Its time people mind their own relationship and stop worrying about others
Awesome response although you didn’t need to respond in the first place.
Well said, dem too fass
Real talk…love this response.
Well said, marrige is not , and should not be a handcuff or rope around your partner’s neck. That is why alor of people dont want to get married. It should be base of trust, if no trust not there then it wont work. Partnership not a sole trader. Anyway wish u all the best with ur family?.
Ps. Dem life bored and uno life more excited than fi dem ??.
What a clap back!! Lol Well said Lecia! Mind unu f**”ing business!
If Renae love yuh realness one more time ISSI… Cum thru goodie, dem fava cockroach.
Though I may not agree on this level of trust between my husband and i.. you made some pretty great points and spoke facts Lecia.
My thing is, why go to the extent of sending In to a gossip site?? Obviously everything that has been posted on social media by your spouse.. you’re fine with … so who are these critiques to have such a personal “issues” with YOU AND BUCKA’S LIFE?
Bless up unu self.
Very well said Lecia. I dont kniw why people think that when you are married you cant be yourself. You must conform to the norm. Btw i love that at the last part ” mind you funky business! Leave me ( Lecia) alone!
Goodday lecia very well said as a member of the jcf it give me greet pleasure to see a dsp interact like a regular person. He has fun and he allows those outside to enjoy things that we may have never experience or never thought of doing. I love his page, I love his love for you and jordy… continue living the best you bucka. Lecia nah eat and dem a vomit…
I am sure you wrote about this already. How many years in a row will you be faced with the same questions?
Anyways, I am waiting on you to write a book, I really appreciate your writing style.
YASSSSSS, YASSSSSS AND YAAAAASSSSSSSS !
Some a dem wish they had a Garfield or lecia . Know how much a dem have dem husband a post mate and dem cya utter a word …all a dem fava eediat
Love this response Lecia, you are right, no matter where he is if he chooses to cheat no-one can stop him, and the social media police need to find other careers, the full time job of watching people and trying to dictate their lives is getting old.
Love your response
A people like them mashup people relationship. Them don’t see when you and him at jamaica carnival and Frenchmen even them too nuff Jordan tell she hungry or want help kmt
I love this!
I love this, and trust me, rumors will never stop. People will do anything to belittle your relationships while theirs a rotten.. I have been married for 9yrs, my husband has many female friends, I too have tons of male friends but why should I stress myself out that he’s sleeping with them?.. all that is doing is make the wrinkles appear faster.. To be honest, not everyone can handle being married. Nuff women change for the worse when them married..(some men too). Once you and your spouse have an agreement and the communication buck, then unuh good.. nice post
Another awesome read as usual. Keep them coming.
Well said!!
Well damm fucking said!! Kmt everyday dem.worry over the cocky that’s not theirs to worry about sorry Lecia fi mi out a orda mouth. Garfield big up yuhself. Love you guys and jordy too?
I love it ..perfect response ever. ..I never knew ppl could be so ill concerned about other ppl’s lives…Lecia You are a #winning #girlboss …Shut them the hell up!
LMAO!!!! Well said. It always baffles me at how concerned our so called “friends”are about what works for us Married ppl. The most important thing is to let each individual be themself. Lecia you damn if you do damn if you don’t, but the bottom line is Neither you nor Garfield owe anyone an explanation. Live your lives.
Kiss up yuh man while him hold yuh ass… Lol
Mek dem guweh
Agreed. People just too concerned and feel they need to dictate. Super annoying.
I have been following you guys via social media for a few years now, and you’ve responded to similar issues such as Bucka going to T&T for carnival amongst others…and I really have to appreciate your grace and eloquence as well as your badass sarcasm when responding to the “friends” and the critics…Every. Single. Time.
Persons need to stop projecting their fears onto others. It’s ridiculous.
Kudos to you. Admiration runs deep and from afar. Keep living and loving.
See you again about the same s*%t, next year! Lol
Be blessed Lecia❤️
Lol…Same suh girlie!
Amazing response!!
I love this one, ??????which you didn’t even need to explain to anyone about your marriage. Men will cheat anywhere, so let the man live!!
I’m sure that’s why you’re enjoying the union you guys have.
singing -badmind a kill dem –
Great response
A few days ago I said to myself “where is my JUSTHITCHED NOW WHAT” email and I am super happy that this is the topic you chose. I read the tabloid? and was rolling with laughter at the #yamhead comment but the truth is exactly what you said, these same women criticizing you about your husband going to carnival to cheat on you cannot speak about their relationships because they either don’t exist or dem man a give dem di chinese bakery. Thank you for addressing this, not because you need to clear any kind of air but to really address this man policing thing…If You husband wants to cheat he does not have to buy a plane ticket to do it, he can do it “right unda u nose”?
Well said!! Enough is enough.
I will forever have both you and Garfield on my vision board. I wish to one day truly feel REAL LOVE and affection from someone knowing it’s reciprocated. I trusted my sons father to do the same , go anywhere , parties because I wasn’t a party lover . Bun fi Years ! Trust is important and that’s exactly the what these internet trolls dont seem to have within their relationship.
Lesa, keep inspiring us women , I Love love your family. And again I wish for a LOve just like yours. I know relationship have it’s up and down as you mentioned. But it takes two to work .
Blessings my internet sister
Well said!!
Well said!!
I absolutely loved this latest blog. You go hun. People need to mind their own business.
Well said. Why are you going to prevent him from going? Like you rightly said if he wants to cheat he will cheat even while you are looking. Not everyone has this level of trust and finds it strange when others have it and has the temerity to express such.
Kudos to you girl.
I sooooooo agree…