The Help

For the last few weeks we have been unable to find our helper. We have been calling her phone but to no avail. It doesn’t even go to voicemail anymore. Since I’m on a break, and I have nothing productive to do (except writing these blogs) I decided to take on the chores.

This morning as I open the grille to hang out clothes -- that I had to prematurely take off the line because of yesterday’s thunder storm -- one of the many helpers on our apartment complex greeted me.

“Congratulations Mrs Taylor! I saw you in the papers, you deserve it!”

“Thank you,” I replied. She continued, “Yeah man, you really deserve it! I see you often in the laundry room. Not many girlfriends know how to wash and take care of dem man.”

Not entirely sure of the appropriate response, I smiled and politely nodded in agreement.

Undaunted she continued, “Because you know that it’s good that you can do these things to enuh, nuff a dem helper here love to boast that if it wasn’t for them the house would a mash-up. Is a good thing you know how to take care of your man, none a dem cyan chat behind you back.”

I laughed and assured her that I was very much capable of holding my own.

In that instant my mind flashed back to a scene in the movie, The Help, where all the helpers gathered to tell tales of the incompetent wives who could not survive without them. I shuddered at the memory of the badly treated helper who took her revenge by putting faeces in a pie she made for one of the housewives (admittedly, it was well deserved).

And then it fleetingly crossed my mind, was I rewarded with ring because of my domestic prowess?

There is no doubt that whether we like it or not, our society stills places great emphasis on a woman’s domestic abilities. How many times do we hear the exclamation, “She can’t even boil water!” Do you recall Beenie Man being enamoured by Angel because of her ability to cook curry goat and ox tail? And certainly most of us remember Lexxus’ famous song “Gyal you betta can cook”. Forget that you have just completed two degrees, a master's and a PhD, if you can’t even boil egg, to society you are not quite “wife material”.

As much as I’d like to think that I am a modern-day woman, a quick conversation with my mom is enough to bring me back to sobriety. “So what you cooking for Garfield’s dinner today?” This question is bound to come up in every conversation that I have with my mother -- every day. On those (rare) days when I am able to delight her with a menu or announce that I have already cooked, I can practically see her beaming, like a proud mother, through the phone. I can also feel her grave disappointment on those (frequent) days when my answers interchange between, “Nothing we're going to buy some KFC” or “Don’t know, he is going to bring something off the road.”

Despite the fact that many of us have helpers, it’s not uncommon for a woman to brag that she is able to do it all. In other words, "no helper cyan take mi fi fool." Whether traditional or modern, most of us pride ourselves on being able to take care of a home.

But just how much value do we modern-day women place on domestic skills? Would you say that your domestic skills played a role in snagging your hubby?

It is no secret that the generation of yesterday placed great value on domestic skills, especially that of cooking. Just think of the popular saying, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, or the more wary warning often told to men to refrain from eating stew peas from cunning women who may try to tie them? (An attempt to catch and keep the man forever.)

From a biblical perspective, the book of Proverbs outlines the characteristics of a good wife. Not least among them are our domestic skills. It lavishes praise on the wife who gets up at an ungodly hour in the morning to ensure that she properly prepares and cares for the members of her household. While I have no issues with this, I'll sing even more praise for the husband who is up with his wife so that the chores can be done together.

In reality, not much has changed since the biblical days. Just ask any man to describe the perfect “wife material”.  Even the most evolved among them will list attributes such as a woman who can cook, clean and take care of her household.

I suppose our nurturing instincts are inevitably intertwined with our role as helpers.

P.S. As I type this I am guzzling KFC for dinner. On a Sunday. I won’t tell my mom if you won’t *Wink*

44 Responses

  1. Tamara Joyles Fray

    You have a nice husband Bcuz mind would not be happy with kfc on a Sunday…any other day us kool tho….kudos to you on being s career woman and can still hold down your man

  2. Anne Mac

    I am a domestic DIVA, but I still need my helper after all who’s gonna iron. She doesn’t cook I don’t allow her, my hussie would not eat it anyway.My mom is just like yours she’s happy when I’m cooking and not purchasing.But I dont mind I love to entertain and we have a new baby so being in the kitchen and ensuring everything in the house is just right is fun for me, with time you will your balance.

    • I’m with you on the ironing! Thanks for sharing!

  3. JEM

    OMG!!!!!!!!!! you guys wudnt do that to me two of my cousins told me that they are getting me a new kitchen for my wedding gift as they see me there for a long while

  4. Konikas

    Jem, Please dont let anybody find out your real name and address because you would wake up and see a whole line of us at you gate waiting on the breakfast….lunch…and back for dinner…..some of us would definately come with dishes to carry hom or with hubby filly in tow…

  5. JEM

    Dwl yes he wud cook but it would take forever he is crazy for home food says bulk food cook with msg his argument is his belly has no zip honestly i have to find a way round this and listen i dont cook only i bake on sundays i have to put a cake or toato in the oven or make drops its just crazy im sorry he knows i can do all these things he has no stop then he boast about his wife’s cooking right now im about to go put a cornmeal pudding in the oven. listen this hon are u ok thats him asking so not knowing what he was up to i said yes he kissed my forehead then said i dont see anything to take with me for snacks girl i almost scream out so wat mi fi do but i held my composure and said i didnt realize that so mi feel sorry for him and rub up a little cornmeal pudding so he will have it for tomorow you think him spoil i think so

    • Jem you are hilarious! My hubby was hooked on your comments last night! You had us cracking up! and YES you spoil him! I just wished i lived close to you cause we would invite ourselves to breakfast, lunch and dinner!

  6. Home_Girl

    Wow interesting stuff…@Jem lol ur husband is something else with his lunch pan….i knw he cant go without his food but have u ever tried say….bein all nice and chummy, rubbing dwn his head and all…put on sum sexy clothes and say “uuhhh hunny bun..I’m not in the mood for my cooking today…lets go out and eat or bettr yet hw bout u cuk fr me..(give him a seductive wink here)”…..he probably wldnt say no ..lol….he aint gonna say no to his dressed up hot smoking wife will he….?

  7. I am no expert when it comes to relationship however i have been in a committed relationship for 3 years my other half loves his food he would eat cook food literally 7 days a week and he is not the type to cook, being the person i am i don’t have a problem cooking but hell no 7 days? so sometimes he complains but i really don’t pay him any mind. The fact is all men want house wives that’s the fact but we have to set our standards because what will happen is that you will eventually be drained tired and frustrated from all that house work and hence unhappy. But to each is his own 🙂

  8. JEM

    I dont mind cooking but if you have to do it like me you would feel the same as i am now…Every where we go my husband has his lunch bag just think our wedding i ensure that the food was prepared at the house i got a chef come in to cook i bought the things needed to cook now we all know if no one get food on that day the head table must get food ok, now my husband was on his way to the church and forgot his lunch bag the man turn the car around and head back to the house for it. I was at the hotel waiting on him to reach church the ceremony should be 9am but because of that it didnt get started until 11am his response was he is not leaving his food go no where its best to have it and dont want it than want it and dont have it not even water he buys on the road not even a bun he buys on the road so you see what im talking about im sick and tired of the kitchen i dont like to cook but i know that i will have to cook. He use to buy jerk pork on a friday evening so one friday i decided that i would pot roast pork for him as a treat well im sorry the day i did that from that night i get no more jerk pork by him i always get compliments on my cooking but i need to be fed by someone else sometimes and i know you would agree with me. My husband buy pork from a farmer in the country so he is never out of pork. I love it that he enjoys my cooking but being in the kitchen so much is too much he doesnt mind me not working as that means getting his food and you would imagine that he is fat eeeek wrong he’s slim he wears medium now coming from small he loves my cooking even invite friends over for dinner but i hate the kitchen some times i deliberately salt the food for him to hate my food but all he says honey you need to cut down on the salt so i just give up. Oh i should tell you his food came in handy after the wedding when we went to our room at the hotel there was nothing for us to eat so hussy just draw for his lunch bag i was too tired to even look at the food.

  9. Home_Girl

    Oh by the way I liked ur interview on Smile Jamaica yesterday which brought me here….nd since thn I’ve read all ur blogs…lolol..#hooked

  10. Tashia Wedderburn

    I so enjoy your blog…… I like to cook and it feels nice to present my gentleman with a home cooked meal. It not so nice though when you arrive home and it feels like you have just arrived at work… Some people think that having someone help out with the work will make it seem as if your not capable but I’m quite sure some gentlemen would much rather cuddle and chaat instead wifey digging out every cob web out of the ceiling. As a busy professional woman I think having someone assisting with the house work affords more family time because as you quint Its Monday morning and your more tired and grumpy than Friday evening! P.S. Some man tek it fe granted too, because you married him feget whey de refrigerator deh so all water you have to go for. I am your wife not your slave!!!!!!!!!! dwl.

  11. Konikas

    Love the blog …keep it up. I cook daily for medical reasons – not for the love of it and a seriously 21st century girl ( my mother never ceases to tell me that she can’t understand of the girls of my era operate). I totally agree with your approach. But just to add another element, i sometimes think to myself why is it that I cant measure a man by his ability to cook me out of the kitchen ( mind you this is a dream ) props to my husband who can definately do a mean broth..but even better with some fried dumplings and saltfish fritters..all things I am completely unable to do especially since i know he does it best. Sunday is just another day and trust me thank god my mom has no sons so she spoils my hubby rotten…as long as she is cooking which no doubt she is…dinner is served and I have no shame. If i dont feel like it KFC or whatever else i choose to eat is fine. I can’t understand why people have to have specific meals on a sunday…which is really weird because even if i travel i must have at least a cup of soup on a saturday no matter what else i eat.

    • Thanks for sharing Konikas! Soup on Saturday is my mom’s menu too!

  12. Nellz

    I’m happy I found this blog. Its not only funny but it also shares thoughts that newlyweds may have and feel embarrassed to share with others. Now on the cooking note, Jem, I also cook lunch for my husband to take to work. You may catch me in the kitchen at 11pm or 5am if I am too tired in the nights. This is something my husband boast about to his friends. It has now reached the point where whenever we go to weddings or cocktails as soon as he sinks his teeth into something he likes, and he eventually swallows, the next words from his lips are “babes, how yuh neva cook dis yet”. I must admit I enjoy cooking. I cook dishes from other countries I have traveled to (Brazil) and I even research my favorite recipe sites. Of course my fave channel is Food Network. I’m not complaining about cooking for my husband, please don’t get me wrong, but compared to Jem’s husband, my husband is a fast food freak (childhood habits) so there are many times when he would say “babes, weh u want, KFC or pizza” and my reply would be “I’ll just cook up something really quick”.

    • I need to visit your home too Nellz! Seriously, though I am planning to add an area where we share recipes so I’ll look forward to your participation!

  13. JEM

    mrs taylor my hubby does the same job as your hubby but im yet to see his second i have to pack lunch kit for him every day just listen to this even on our wedding day he walked with his lunch kit.

    • No man! You’re kiling me today! Lol!

    • Home_Girl

      lololol this is funny…so ddnt u crack up on ur wedding day when u saw him with it?…i wld be rolling..lol

  14. JEM

    well i envy you guys some times im tired of the kitchen i cook every other day my husband doesnt eat fast food period. not even patty better yet not even to buy a bottle of water on di rd i have to be in the kitchen sometimes i dont mind it but there are times when i wish we cud go out to eat if i want to eat something other than my own cooking i will have to do it by myself. on a sunday im in the kitchen from 6am to 9am then dinner start from 11am to some crazy hrs. dont get me wrong i appreciates it that he loves my dishes as i can safely say im not bad in that department but gosh man dont push me too much. cleaning is no problem also washing but im tired of the cooking i want to give him ISLAND GRILL some times ha ha.

    • Jem it looks like both my hubby and I need to move in with you! No sah, not on earth, I couldn’t manage that at all! i get home so tired that no powers on earth could move me to the kitchen!

  15. Home_Girl

    is it terrible of me to say i hate doing house work but i love to see a clean house….mind you i do the cleaning and all that because I have not because I oh so enjoy it..pple might think that having a helper is u not being capable of doing ur “duties” or ur nasty…but heck these chores aren’t fun at all..so what’s a girl to do…Get A helper!!

  16. Deshownyea

    Lecia another spin: “my man betta can cook”……lol. Its all about balance and team work and love too. Some people find it tiring to do all the domestic chores and still be up for extracurricular activity…dwl. Nobody wants to be doing chores 24/7, so meet each other half way. I believe that based on the activities and responsibilities in evey couples life, if they can afford it get outside help then do so. You will be helping your marriage and the economy. Noone gets to dictate what the ideal is. What WORKS is ideal…..well my man is saying that nothing to a man like eating a meal prepared by his wife. Even one day out of the week the relational portion of the relationship has to come to the fore of our busy lives. That meeting will happening in a clean house, in clean clothes and with a meal prepared by the woman who holds his heart.

  17. Britnee

    lol. so have you found your helper yet?

  18. I will do everything domestic, and I do believe that even in these modern days, men do give a lot of weighting to a woman’s domestic skills. I think they use it to measure her potential as a mom too. (but I wouldnt mind if someone washes the dishes for me ….forever.)

    • I love washing dishes! It allows my mind to wander freely!

      • Simone Warner

        I am with you on the dishes..Give me the dishes to do forever but please leave out the ironing. I must admit my husband bruk mi bad so to speak cause he loves to cook and its now I realising that I am somewhat spoilt. We may not be wealthy but I am sure as hell wealthy in terms of the partner I have. And yes my mom is quiet similar to yours Leica cause anytime I tell her I picking up food or I have no idea she is oh so disappointed. He does laundry too but it is something I try to pry away from him as he washes everything on the same temperature as an autoclave and dries them the same way..but God bless my carebear nonetheless. 🙂

  19. Kelz

    @statingmymind it is evident that you’ve misread this blog…..

  20. I agree with Danielle i just cant sit with that one (eating KFC on a Sunday) .Yes u r a career woman n he’s a busy man,but how busy are you to ensure that your home is clean and tidy. like seriously why do u wish to waste money when you can just DO IT YOURSELF. we all know the responsibilities that comes when being a wife so why complain.

    • Haha! To each his own! We have no issues chucking down KFC any day of the week! You may have misread the blog if you thought it was suggesting that one’s home shouldn’t be clean. Kudos to you for being able to do it on your own! I’m not sure that the responsibilities of being a wife means that you do all the cooking and cleaning! But it’s great to have another perspective, so please keep commenting!

  21. Keisha

    I agree about the ironing…mi wish everyting mi own di ah wash an wear.

  22. Anmarieta

    well said Leece

  23. I don’t mind the house work so much but a personal chef would be a dream.

    • I hate ironing, I think it’s the worst chore of all! But I’m right there with you on the personal chef!

  24. Janet Davis..(.England and Jamaica)

    My husband says I am a “real” wife because I can wash two lines of clothes by hand, tidy the house AND cook his dinner in the same day! If I had a helper I wouldn’t know what to do with my time…..but I’d probably help her!!!!

    • Lol @ Janet! By hand!!!! That’s pushing it, only the very delicates and even then i’m tempted tp put them on the handwash cycle. I completely understand maybe cutting in to help though especially if you don’t think their work is up to par!

  25. Danielle

    You mean you never cook no Sunday dinner for your husband? tsk tsk. lol 21st century, do what pleases you girl

    • Haha! My hubby wasn’t home, it was just me alone this Sunday! Doesn’t mean we don’t have KFC together some Sunday’s though! And from the lines in KFC, it looks like we have a lot of company! LOL!