“You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run” The Gambler – Kenny Rogers
It's about 5:30p.m., one of those rare days that I actually get to leave work while it’s still daylight. I grab my phone to share the good news with hubby and noticed that I had a missed call from Usain.
Hey what's up? I returned Usain's call instead of calling hubby (Hey don’t judge me! It’s USAIN BOLT!)
"You good... why you sound so?" That’s Usain for you, always concerned.
"I am sick… as usual, I have no immune system. I catch anything that fly past!
We both laugh.
“So, how’s the blogging?
“Seriously Usain, What’s up?”
You see when Usain calls, I know that something is up, and it usually has something to do with my husband – a bet or football.
“So you remember last year right, your husband entered into a bet...”
Here we go again. I already think I know where this is going. Any calls relating to my hubby can only be explained in one way. Imagine yourself as the parent of a really mischievous child, whenever your phone rings, there can only be one question: "What him do now?"
That's exactly how I feel, especially when the calls are from certain persons -- and Usain tops that list!
“Wait, hold on!” He passes the phone to Eddie.
We chitchat about my blog, and then he delves into the real reason for the call. There is an audience, and I suspect that I may be on speaker phone and everyone is listening keenly.
"So yes, last year around this time your husband bet us that he’s going to have six-pack abs by this time."
Of course, I am barely able to keep a straight face (Good thing I was on the phone).
“Well as you know him no have no six-pack”
To myself: maybe six kegs!
Anyway, the crux of the matter was that my dear husband had bet both Eddie and Rosemarie $15,000.00 (approximately US$134.00) each that he would have six packs abs by April 2014. That bet was made in April 2013. As we all know there are abs, not even a single pack in sight, and not surprisingly, homeboy, (aka my husband), was trying to renege on the bet.
I was being called to intervene in order to (1) confirm or corroborate the bet and (2) convince my husband to honour his bet.
"Boy..." I paused to gather my thoughts.
I remembered the bet clearly, so the question was: should I cover for my hubby and pull a Dwight Nelson, “I do not recall" moment, or do I back up these guys and call out my hubby in an attempt to force him to honour his obligations.
"Ahhh, I think I remember something like that still. But you all knew that was never going to happen!"
“Well, now the man a gwaan like him never bet and he doesn’t want to pay up. But we reminded him that you have a blog you see!”
And so the conversation continued…
“All right, all right, I'm going to call him now.”
I ended the call, barely able to restrain myself from laughing.
“Honey, why you no stop bet people money for things that are next to impossible"
"Huh! What you talking about?” asked the guilty man, feigning ignorance.
"Stop gwaan like you no know wah mi a talk bout! The bet with Usain and Eddie dem"
"Babes mi drunk, mi no remember that."
"Just so you know, being drunk does not absolve you from liability.”
“Yeah but mi couldn't form the intention to make a bet if I didn't know what I was doing”—
“Really now!” I raised my voice to cut him off, “Just so you know, that story would be a lot more credible if you actually drank liquor! Di whole world know by now that you don't drink alcohol so who the hell is gonna support your story!"
I was not finished.
“And $15,000.00 each though!!!! What the hell happen to the usual US dollar bets! One. Single. Dollar. Wtf? And how you make such a bet against track stars... HELLO! You trying hard to make us paupers, aren't you?!”
“Hear what I saying babe. I think I had just left off an operation or something and I was confused because I don't remember making that bet!”
“Really though! That story don't make no sense either!”
“You know what? A bet you say dem would make sense to KD Knight. Mi no think mi want you as mi lawyer again. You fired still!”
“Really! Wow, just wow! But wait, did I say I was representing you in the first place?!”
Well there you have it. My services were terminated before I even knew I was retained.
Immediately after hanging up with my ex-client (aka my hubby) my phone rang. Before they could even continue to build their case, I told them, “Kindly note, that I no longer represent my husband, Garfield “Bucka” Taylor. I have been fired and he has retained alternative counsel. Maybe KD Knight would be able to assist you fellows?
Laughter on the other end of the line.
I think this is as good a time as any to put out a public disclaimer, so here goes:
I am not responsible for any bets into which my hubby may enter, and more importantly he is not authorized to enter into any bets for any sum greater than ONE UNITED STATES DOLLAR! Any bets in excess of this amount will be null, void and non-recoverable!
*As I head to the bank to open a separate bank account*