I hate your family (and friends)

OK, so everyone knows that getting married is not just the joining together of two people, but their families and friends! For most people this can be as painful as a root canal without anaesthesia (yikes).

If you know me you will also know that my mother is my LIFE. No buts! I would never settle with a man who couldn’t hit it off with my mom. I know, there are those of you who are grumbling that family should stay out of relationships, but as the only child for my mom, she is a HUGE part of my life.

Needless to say, I was a little anxious when my mom and Garfield first met. He stepped out of the car, my breath stopped, the world moved in slow motion, then there were sparks and hugs and laughter. They were in love! (Confetti please)

Those of you at my wedding will recall how enthusiastic she was to give me away!

Bishop: "Who giveth--"
Mom: "We do!"
Bishop: "Are you sure?"
Mom: "Very, very, very sure!"

Really though mommy? You could at least pretend to be a wee bit sad at giving away your only child! But fun and joke aside, family and friends can make a wedding very stressful.

First, you may have a mother (not calling any names) who would love to invite the entire family. Remember that aunt whom you've never spoken to? Or that second, third or even fourth cousin whom you’ve never met?  (No huh, no way, not unless you are paying for them!) Then, you must deal with those married relatives who are self-appointed wedding gurus. When you combine that with a wedding as untraditional as ours, you have a recipe for an all out family war!

Wedding guru aka family: "What do you mean your maid-of-honour is wearing red?"
Me: “Ahh, yaaw...”
Wedding guru aka family: "So what is the colour for other bridesmaids?"
Me: “Well, they’ll all be in a different colour and style.”
Wedding guru aka family: (Snicker) “So, what will the head table look like?”
Me:  (Slight pause) “We won’t have one.”
Wedding guru aka family: Complete silence...

My experience has taught me that there are some people who do forget that your wedding is all about you - the bride and groom! They want to know: Why is it so late? Couldn’t be a bit nearer to home? How you mean children not invited?  And the list goes on...

Ignore them!

Trust me, their grumblings would cause even Mother Teresa to use a few curse words, and test even the patience of Job.

Luckily, I had two families that actually liked each other! My mom and Garfield’s mom are twins, and my newly found sisters and brothers are great (I’m not just saying this because they may read my blog and kick my ass). I truly love them! So we had very little drama.

Bottom line is tempers will flare, members of the bridal party may not even like each other and you will get to the point where you want just everyone to leave you the f&%k alone!

This too is normal.

In order to ensure that there was absolutely no drama, we had no head tables and no formal seating arrangements; anyone could sit anywhere! Our rationale was that we saw no reason to subject people who barely knew each other to fake conversations and the torture of each other’s company throughout our reception. We thought it’d would be a lot less painful if our bridesmaids and groomsmen went back to join their significant other in the audience. And it worked!

But what do you do if your husband-to-be and bridesmaids have a feud before the wedding, or you butt heads with one or more of his family members, or either side of the family is giving you that I-don’t-know-what-he-sees-in-you stare?

It is brutal, believe me.  But you have to remember that these strange people are going to be in your life forever (or at least until you get divorced), and you don’t want to make a bad situation worst.

So my advice: be very diplomatic, yes, hypocritical even. I’m not saying if you are being flat-out disrespected to suck it. (Have you watched Jumping the Broom?) But, if there are things that you can ignore, go ahead and ignore it. Smile as much as you can, and try to make everyone feel involved and important (this is true of both mothers especially).

Breathe deeply, and reassure yourself that even though these people are going to be in your lives for years to come, they won’t be in your space for much longer (unless you live with your in-laws in which case, I can’t help you).  Just get through the wedding, going forward, remember that you will be able to determine the frequency and the amount of time you spend around them.

So for now... grin and bear it:)

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