Five things you realise after getting married

I am married. My name is Mrs Taylor. I have a husband.

It still feels so surreal, not only because it has only been 48 days since our wedding (No, I’m not actually counting, my wedding website announces it every time I log on), but largely because having a husband, changing my name and being a wife were never things I envisioned, and certainly not happening to me.

But for all my scepticism on love and marriage, it does feel pretty good, nay, that’s an injustice -- it feels amazing, downright spectacular! However, I must warn you, there are some things that will take getting used to, and I have had some, well let me call them weird moments.

If I am not abnormal (which is totally possible), here are five things that may happen to you after taking the plunge:

5. You won’t recognise your name -- for some reason all your friends, associates and family will think that it’s cool to address you by your newly acquired name. Never mind that they have been calling you by your first or maiden name (in my case Lecia, Lecee, LG) all your life. Following the wedding, it will be nothing but Mrs So-and-So. On the day of your wedding and even a day or two after, you’ll respond enthusiastically, as I did.

Give it a week! Then be prepared for the 30-second delay before the realisation that the person waving excitedly across the street while shouting Mrs Taylor (insert your new name) is actually referring to you. Uhh?  (Looks around in confusion.) 1.2.3...30. Dum duh dum dum dum  “Oh hi! Yeah me. I’m Mrs Taylor.” I suppose over time this will become natural.

4. You won’t recognise your name on paper -- unless you were a love-sick puppy who was accustomed to doodling your boyfriend’s surname as yours (sorry, I can’t relate) then you should have some difficulty recognising your new name on paper. A week or so after our wedding we were visiting a friend at a building that required our names and signature for entrance. My hubby wrote both our names, then handed me the pen to sign.  It took me a few seconds to recognise my new name. It was especially jarring because this was the first time I had seen it written down on paper.

The worst part of this is not only remembering to always write my new name but mastering the challenge of a new signature. This is a really big change because I’m still learning to perfect my original signature. It’s not unusual for banks, insurance companies, hell, anywhere that requires a signature to request that I repeatedly sign documents and present an ID to verify my ever-changing signature. If I can barely perfect signing the name I was born with, how long will it take me to come up with an acceptable signature for Taylor?! Sigh.

3. You are no longer hip -- no matter how you say the words “I’m married”, it will not sound trendy, young, cool or sexy. They conjure up images of an old maid, housewife, basically none of the really cool imagery that comes with the relationship status of single, complicated or engaged

As a result, you’ll start feeling older and more mature (I kid you not). It’s like being married suddenly endows you with the tools required to become a responsible, well thinking adult. All my super sexy (aka stripper) outfits now seem highly inappropriate. My conscience (which was never this outspoken) has started yelling that I can no longer pass off blouses as dresses, since they barely stop short of caressing my vajay-jay.

Just in case you are delusional enough to fancy yourself still among the hip crowd, just wait until the first teenager, security guard or loader man addresses you as “Mummy” or “Maam”  -- “Come nuh Mummy, Papine we a go!” Really now!

2. You’ll panic -- you’ll be sitting one day (watching TV, lounging around or probably just reading a book) and it’ll hit you like a huge block of ice -- I’m married! I’m f*&king married! The sudden reality that you can’t just get up and leave if you want is crippling. You’ll start second guessing yourself: what if this doesn’t work out? Can I really live with this person for the rest of my life?”

You’ll hyperventilate, and then quietly calm yourself down by answering your own questions: of course, it’s going to work because we love each other and we'll do what it takes. Soon you’ll be smiling as you think of all the reasons you’ll be happy together, and in that moment he’ll do something completely disgusting (like fart or belch), and you’ll immediately start doubting yourself -- again!

1. You are blissfully in love -- nothing can describe the euphoria you’ll experience when it hits you that your best friend, cheerleader, lover and support system is now by your side. You’ll recognise that you are a team. (Break out singing: Just the two of us...) Everything that you do is now a bit more meaningful because it’s no longer just about you, but the life you’ll build together. Soon you’ll start dreaming of the perfect house, the perfect car and the pitter- patter of little feet. Yikes!

After all, we fall in love because it’s the only true adventure!

Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will...”  Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

19 Responses

  1. Lexie Green

    I absolutely love this blog. I am newly engaged and it surely is helping me to wrap my mind around what is to come.. Looking forward to more posts..whoopeee 🙂

    • Thanks Lexie and congratulations on your engagment!

      • tiffany riley

        Hi Lexie congratulations on your engagment and when the time comes around, we married ladies will be here to welcome you in the family of been married.

      • Latty

        Love what u r doing Lecia, I enjoy ur blog soo much and whether u believ it or not ur now 1 of my relationships Guru… Lol… No really.. Keep doing ur thing….

  2. Kemoy Rohrbach

    the signature really gets me my first instinct is to make the old one lol

  3. tiffany riley

    I can understand how the ladies feel,i just got married in August of this year and i am still trying to get use to the name change,getting married means you can’t have you’re own way anymore and the part of being on you’re own and doing you’re own thing is a no no. It’s alot of things we as married women will to get use to.

  4. JEM

    Someone please tell me is there a guide on how to treat in-laws im having a headache right now just thinking of them my mother-in-law is here now and last night my pressure went up so high i had a block out i dont want to hurt my husband but im unhappy i need help is there a book on some of these things this is the only major problem i have in my life it wont mash up my marriage but it sure putting a strain on it my husband is asking me to bare it out as he see the problem too but he wants to be nice to his mom but its making me sick she babbles about how she grow him and all kind of stuff im sick. Help please.

  5. O'Neil

    As I await for the day of my Decree Absolute (November dem seh) my wife truly never understood the importance of marriage as she still wanted to wear clothes that had written quotes that clearly depicts a woman that’s single. I wasn’t happy and she got upset when I mentioned that its inappropriate for a married mom to go out with subliminal messages posted on your clothes. Dressing sexy is ok and that’s a totally different aspect. She openly went out with men she claimed were friends and her behaviour put a strain on things…oh well, it’s life and I haven’t given up on love. All the best too you both.

  6. JEM

    i certainly will im planning on locking myself away i will tell u sis i love these blog it helps me to release some pent up tensions in me

  7. JEM

    my dear you forget the in-laws my hubby is a sweet heart but his mom thinks hes Gods gift to woman i hate it when she comes around im so tense when she is here and it seems she never want to leave. my hubby and i joke alot to each other but when his mom is here we hardly speak. This is what happens he will say things about me and we laugh about it but when i reply she has a problem and she but in and that makes me mad even writing about it now im mad so we decide that when she is here we should just leave that out but i feel like im a prisoner in my home.
    She is coming today and already i feel sick he wants her to live with us and im planning to go overseas i dont want to tell him not as it his mom and he always say the were grown poor and he wants her to enjoy a little different life i agree but i cant handle that and i told him. worst i lost my job and im feeling depressed and for her to come here wen im not in a good frame of mind trust me i dont know what will happen.
    It is just 3mths since we got married i dont want her around me yet. This is way off but i have to talk bout it im going crazy here

    • Hey Jem, thanks for sharing. I can’t imagine living with either of our parents (though they are really great), especially in such a young stage of our marriage so I get where you are coming from. I think you really need to have a serious conversation with him and if you are afraid it may turn into an argument then write how you feel. He must know that you value your marriage and when you took your vows it said “forsaking all others”. I am not suggesting that he should forsake his mom at all but it means that he has to take steps to preserve his marriage and it sounds to that his mom’s presence is going to be very stressful on your relationship. I know because some comments that Garfield and I make to each other in jest, I wouldn’t dare do it before either parents for fear they misinterpret our actions. It’s not a happy place for you and there are many other ways to have his mother enjoy a more comfortable lifestlye without potentially ruining his marriage. Keep me posted and hugs for today!

  8. Tashique

    @ justhitchednowwhat … ” I had red hair when he met me … And I was a ati/rti goer … That’s explain the fun spontaneous person that he miss …. Let me tell u , I got baby clothes for wedding gifts ….

  9. Sandra A. Graham

    Girl! U got it BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Patricia Clarke

    I enjoy reading your blogs Lecia. Keep them coming

  11. Tashique

    You have said thing a lot of us have been thinking ….. Firstly it’s over 2 years for me and I still don’t recognize the name ….. Don’t lose yourself in what everybody think a married woman should look like , just days ago my husband asked for the red hair dance in the middle of the dance floor girl …. And be prepared , people will now treat your eggs like cows milk …. They will think they are going to expire or maybe hatch but as I am doing take enough time with ur husband before the kids …. My status a few day after I got married was that ” I want a marriage not a wedding ” and judging by your beautiful pictures you will have a wonderful marriage … Congrats

    • Oh Tashique, dont even mention the kids part of it! If it was up to my mom I’d be pregnant on the night of our honeymoon! BTW what is the “red hair dance”?

  12. Nicole

    Funny but soo true (oops I forgot i am not married…….YET)….but funny enough I can relate.
    Lecia my dear friend I can tell you, you are truly preparing me for marriage…love you!

  13. Yuh a mad gal from mawnin’! LOL! Well, the only thing I can relate to (kind of) is number 3. I kinda feel, I don’t know, supmn’. I know for sure I don’t feel old. But I feel…supmn.

    The thing that was of great concern for me was changing my name. Should I hyphenate, or should I not hyphenate? I felt I was going through a little mental tiff with myself, because I’ve been known as Jovel Johnson all my life. Now I have to change it to Jovel Garcia? *Sigh!* I sounded out both choices out loud….”Jovel Johnson – Garcia…..Jovel Garcia. Jovel Johnson – Garcia….Jovel Garcia.” I was having a dilemma. I loves my name, and was beginning to have separation anxiety. I felt like I was going to lose a part of myself. I looked to my mother’s name or inspiration, and my sister’s. They both changed their names completely – no hyphenation – and they’re still alive. So I decided to not hyphenate. Plus it would have been too much writing/work and a lot of seconds lost speaking with hyphenating my name.

    Now on a professional front, I sometimes have an identity crisis. My writing work has Garcia and Johnson. That’s kind of a problem. But I work it out. I take comfort in the fact that I use “Jovel Johnson” as my stage name. So no matter where I go in the world, if (sorry, when) I make it big, everybody will know me by my original name. JJ, Jovie Jay, Jay Jay…still kinda intact. And Jovel Johnson sounds so much better, doesn’t it?

    And yes, I had to practice how my signature was going to look. I have down pat now.